By Shawna Collier
The King of Pop says it’s time for him to grow up.
(LAS VEGAS) Michael Jackson has decided he’s finally done with childhood.
Since he turned 20 in 1978, Jackson, who rose to fame as the pre-teen lead singer of the Jackson Five and rocketed to unprecedented solo stardom, has incessantly whined about not having a childhood.
“I never had a chance to be a kid,” Jackson has said. “I always had to work. I wanted to play with the other kids, but I couldn’t because I was working. I used to cry all the time.”
While this ‘work’ consisted of singing and dancing, traveling the world, and being the object of desire for millions of girls–as opposed to breaking rocks or being stuck in some Third World sweat shop–Jackson used the sympathy his cry garnered as an excuse to become the world’s biggest kid. He has lived in an amusement park, hung out with youngsters like MacCauley Culkin and Emanuel Lewis, rented out DisneyWorld, and had a pretend girlfriend, Brooke Shields. He’s also had slumber parties with numerous boys and even paid several of them millions of dollars for no apparent reason.
But no more. Jackson, who turns 50 in August and is reportedly on the verge of bankruptcy, plans to enter his teen years. The move will keep him slightly older than the three kids he now hangs out with, Prince Michael Jackson, 11, Paris Michael Jackson, 10, and Prince Michael Jackson II, 7.
“I never got to be a teenager,” Jackson tells The Peoples News. “I always had to work. I wanted to stay out late and talk back to my parents and skip class. But I couldn’t because I was working. I used to cry all the time.”
Jackson’s first act of sowing his teenage oats will come later this week, when he plans to go to his mother’s house and take her car without her permission.
“I might even take her purse, too,” says Jackson. “You know I don’t have any money.”
Jackson says he expects to hit adulthood sometime around 2047.
Note: This article is humor, brought to you by the creative minds at The Peoples News. It’s not real, but we hope it made you laugh.
© 2008 The Peoples News