Humor, Satire

Michael Jackson To Enter Teen Years

By Shawna Collier

michael-jackson3.jpg

The King of Pop says it’s time for him to grow up.

(LAS VEGAS) Michael Jackson has decided he’s finally done with childhood.

Since he turned 20 in 1978, Jackson, who rose to fame as the pre-teen lead singer of the Jackson Five and rocketed to unprecedented solo stardom, has incessantly whined about not having a childhood.

“I never had a chance to be a kid,” Jackson has said. “I always had to work. I wanted to play with the other kids, but I couldn’t because I was working. I used to cry all the time.”

While this ‘work’ consisted of singing and dancing, traveling the world, and being the object of desire for millions of girls–as opposed to breaking rocks or being stuck in some Third World sweat shop–Jackson used the sympathy his cry garnered as an excuse to become the world’s biggest kid. He has lived in an amusement park, hung out with youngsters like MacCauley Culkin and Emanuel Lewis, rented out DisneyWorld, and had a pretend girlfriend, Brooke Shields. He’s also had slumber parties with numerous boys and even paid several of them millions of dollars for no apparent reason.

But no more. Jackson, who turns 50 in August and is reportedly on the verge of bankruptcy, plans to enter his teen years. The move will keep him slightly older than the three kids he now hangs out with, Prince Michael Jackson, 11, Paris Michael Jackson, 10, and Prince Michael Jackson II, 7.

“I never got to be a teenager,” Jackson tells The Peoples News. “I always had to work. I wanted to stay out late and talk back to my parents and skip class. But I couldn’t because I was working. I used to cry all the time.”

Jackson’s first act of sowing his teenage oats will come later this week, when he plans to go to his mother’s house and take her car without her permission.

“I might even take her purse, too,” says Jackson. “You know I don’t have any money.”

Jackson says he expects to hit adulthood sometime around 2047.

Note: This article is humor, brought to you by the creative minds at The Peoples News. It’s not real, but we hope it made you laugh.

© 2008 The Peoples News

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Discussion

17 thoughts on “Michael Jackson To Enter Teen Years

  1. I am waiting for the news bit that tells us how Michael becomes Mary, how he always knew someday his inner woman had to come out.

    Posted by Lz4broc | March 31, 2008, 2:59 pm
  2. Thank you! Had a really horrible day. This one made me laugh.

    Posted by neohorizons | March 31, 2008, 5:13 pm
  3. This article does not make me laugh. I think the person who wrote the article has a sick sense of humor and needs to try to get a life instead of poking fun at someone elses, be it Michael Jackson or Paris Hilton.

    From The Peoples News: 3 minutes later, Linda asked if her comment was awaiting moderation because she didn’t think the article was funny. No! We read all the comments, but not as soon as they come in. We have lives after all…

    Posted by Linda Whitaker | March 31, 2008, 6:14 pm
  4. You guys are hilarious. I used to love Michael when I was growing up, but damn he is just so strange now. And, by the way, if someone cannot see humor in making fun of Michael Jackson or Paris Hilton, they need to relax a little bit. These people are on Earth for us to make fun of. We have to live real lives!

    Posted by Jeff | March 31, 2008, 11:11 pm
    • You better SHUT UP michael jackson is the most loving and caring person ever just give him a break and let him rest in peice for gods sake. and what if someone made fun of you like you know your probaly just a fat person eating cake and chips when u wrote that and for the people who own this website who do you think you are letting someone publish this you should check the things better when they send it in!

      Posted by STEPH | January 1, 2010, 9:11 pm
      • I think ur right he is loving caring and the best. i’m doing a 5 page paper on michael and can’t get enough of him!!! I love you michael UR the BEST!!!!!!!!! RIP!!! we love u!

        Ur biggest FAN, MEGAN WHITAKER!

        Posted by Megan Whitaker | January 13, 2010, 1:30 pm
    • ok jeff……since u r on this earth lets make fun of u!

      Posted by sophia | May 30, 2010, 8:18 pm
  5. thats kinda extreme to say that they’re here strictly 4 us to make fun of..but nonetheless the article was really funny

    Posted by Paris | April 1, 2008, 12:57 am
  6. Even though I still am a fan of Michael, this was still hi-la-ri-ous, esp. the part where he repeats that he had to work and used to cry all the time. I was bent over! Hahahaha…
    I luvs you guys writing!
    I believe the childrens’ names are Michael Joseph Jackson, Jr., Paris Katherine Jackson, and Prince Michael Jackson. Now of course it really doesn’t matter if you were just being silly as usual

    Posted by Nickey Nak | April 3, 2008, 2:44 pm
  7. This article is so lousy I had to read it again in order to see the humoristic parts (cheap humor!). Yeah yeah yeah, we know! He is rich (or at least was), he had everything a person could desire (fame & money) yet he’s now a wreck.The reason this article is so not funny is cause Jackson’s an easy target, I mean you don’t make fun of somebody whom you laughed at for like 15 years, we’ve made fun of him so many times that he’s not really funny anymore. Make fun of Madonna, who just doesn’t know when to exit the stage and she built her “career” on ripping off songs and fashion trends from other artists. Make fun of her, she’s so damn old she looks like a friggin scare-crow. Michael Jackson jokes are just old.
    Please note that I’m not an MJ fan.

    The Peoples News responds: Hold on, Fantazm, is the article not funny because you couldn’t see the jokes or because Michael is an easy target or because the jokes are old? Make up your mind for why you don’t like us!!!

    Posted by Fantazm | April 3, 2008, 3:16 pm
  8. Michael Jackson is not broke.

    Michael Jackson is not a “wreck”.

    Michael Jackson is not a child molestor.

    Michael Jackson is still a legend and is the greatest entertainer of all time. Period.

    Posted by lolak | April 10, 2008, 7:39 pm
  9. Oldie, but nonetheless, this was superfunny. The names of the three that he hangs out with now was academy-award funny. Think about this, these folks make poignant statements to us–appeal to our emotions, psyche, our kids, our dollars, time–then rake in the money. After the first payoff, somebody should have taken responsibility lessons…hire Dr. Phil or something. That there story was fun-ny!

    Posted by Naja | April 11, 2008, 11:01 am
  10. Hmmm. Looks like Michael’s children will reach adulthood well ahead of him.

    Posted by Scott Sleek | April 15, 2008, 10:18 am
  11. Michael’s gone R.I.P. and I can’t stand people who say ” I liked him when I was younger” the question is, ” do you like the music?” if the answer is yes, than that is all we are looking for and that is all that matters, and NO celebrities aren’t on the earth for you to make fun of stupid. They are on this earth for the same reason you and any other human being is here for, depending on what you believe. Nobody was placed here for your insane amusement. You’re not a mini God playing devil’s advocate. These people are under intense scrutiny everyday of their lives by millions of people, you aren’t, so you can’t possibly get it, and if you want to say michael is whining, than you REALLY don’t get it, you might think the popstar life is all it’s cracked up to be, but how would you know, NOBODY cares what you do, EVER. You’ve never had the world at your feet. You want to compare Michael to the third world children he has donated millions to, when have you donated any of your time or money to those children, Michael can’t relate to there poverty but maybe he feels he can relate to their plight, he’s gone now, let him rest in peace, satire is fine, but when people post lies that just isn’t right. sorry folks

    Posted by noneyabusiness | July 5, 2009, 12:46 am
  12. Please let this man rest in piece. I think that he has been the but of enough jokes. We as a society thinks that poking fun of peole as this great past time,put yourself in the shoes of all the people that are being made fun of everyday and every minute of thier lives. Plus please consider MJ’s children feelings they too can read the things being posted on these sights.

    Posted by lavern | May 21, 2010, 9:46 am
  13. You idiots just lost a customer,because this is far from funny.

    The Peoples News responds: Considering we ‘idiots’ wrote that piece more than two years ago, Marie, we can’t imagine you were all that loyal to begin with.

    Posted by Marie | June 26, 2010, 9:22 am

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