By Craig Bates
Stevie Wonder has sported his braids way too long
(LOS ANGELES) Stevie Wonder may be a musical genius, but now he’s at last getting his hair together.
After years of sporting a ‘dread over’–long braids attached to his ever receding hairline–Wonder has decided to admit he’s bald and chop his locks.
“I’ve been in denial for a lot of years, but now the time has come to accept that my hair is no more,” Wonder told The Peoples News. (He actually spoke for about two hours addressing the three questions we posed).
“It’s about time,” said Elaine Johnson, who does Wonder’s weave. “I was running out of strands to attach his tracks to. Mr. Wonder was really getting into Donald Trump territory with his black man’s comb over.”
Wonder said he made the decision after his daughter Aisha told him his forehead was now actually larger than Tyra Banks’. He found the comparison frightening.
“I once felt Tyra’s forehead. It was like a sevenhead,” Wonder said. “I’d rather be bald than have people thinking I’m just a giant forehead man.”
The move comes as a tremendous surprise. Wonder, who in the last four weeks appeared at both Michael Jackson’s memorial and a birthday celebration of Nelson Mandela, has been losing his hair since the late 1980s. It never seemed to bother the singer, who is blind, or close friends.
“I’ll miss having that shiny forehead around,” said Smokey Robinson. “I sometimes used to use it to make sure my outfit was tight.
“But seriously, Stevie has had so many great songs in his brain, that they probably forced the hair out of his head.”
Wonder wore a close-cropped haircut in the 1960s, then let his hair grow out in the ’70s. He first sported braids during that time, and the long hair has been his look since the mid-1980s.
Now, though, he’s going back to the sixties.
“The baldy look was good enough for 16 year old Stevie, so it’s be good enough for 60 year old Stevie too,” said Wonder.
He vowed however, to continue dying his hair black so the gray wouldn’t show.
Note: This article is satire, brought to you by the creative minds at The Peoples News.