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TPN‘s Trifling Entity of the Week
Chicago’s Finest So let me make sure I have this right: a 14-year-old kid, who is all of 5’3″, posed as a Chicago cop, even drawing an assignment riding shotgun for five hours with another officer—who, perhaps, might have had some training in detection—and no one was the wiser until the eighth-grader’s shift was over? … Continue reading
Robert Downey Jr. to Play Obama in Biopic
By Bill Matthews Downey Jr. (right and in Tropic Thunder, left) has cornered the market on lead roles for black men. (BROOKLYN) Fresh off an Oscar nomination for his comedic turn as a white man wearing black face in Tropic Thunder, Robert Downey Jr. will again cross racial barriers—sort of—when he portrays Barack Obama in … Continue reading
TPN‘s Trifling Person of the Week
John Roberts John, I was almost going to let it go. But then I saw a replay of you going Yoda on the Presidential Oath, and realized this singular moment, the one hundreds of millions of people around the world had tuned in to see, was going to be ruined forever. While bumbling over words … Continue reading
INAUGURATION DAY: A Strange Light Appears in the Morning Sky
By Craig Bates The glowing orb was first spotted in Washington D.C. this morning. (NEW YORK) This morning, shortly after 6 a.m., a giant, glowing orb appeared on the horizon of the eastern United States. Up and down the coast, panic spread as the mysterious sphere rose higher in the sky. Astronomers believe the object … Continue reading
TPN‘s Trifling Couple of the Week
Heath and Deborah Campbell Here’s a tip for you would-be parents out there: You can never go right naming your son Adolf Hitler. But Heath and Deborah thought it would be cute, and they gave his sisters Nazi-inspired names too. Heath says he’s not racist, and well, Heath, that’s not the problem. The problem is … Continue reading
SPECIAL REPORT: Police Shootings Launch New Fashion Trend
By Craig Bates Black men hoping to not be killed by trigger-happy cops are snapping up the latest in body armor. (OAKLAND) As an African American, Danny Thompson isn’t sure when it will happen, but he knows it will: a cop is going to shoot him while he’s defenseless. Hoping to avoid the death that … Continue reading
TPN‘s Trifling Person of the Week
Danny Platt Talk about evil. Danny, 22, didn’t want to pay child support, so used his pea-sized brain to devise a way out: Kill his 2-year-old son. Now little Ja’Shawn Powell (you didn’t, for a moment, think that Danny was married to Ja’Shawn’s mother, did you?) is dead. Danny, whose brain somehow musters enough power … Continue reading
Obama Unveils Temporary Economic Plan: Layaway
By Bill Matthews Geithner (far left) and Summers (behind Obama) devised the plan (WASHINGTON D.C.) President-elect Barack Obama introduced a strategy Monday afternoon that would give his crack economic team 30 more days to figure out how to pull the country out of its financial doldrums. He’s going to put the nation’s entire trillion-dollar debt … Continue reading
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