By Craig Bates
The glowing orb was first spotted in Washington D.C. this morning.
(NEW YORK) This morning, shortly after 6 a.m., a giant, glowing orb appeared on the horizon of the eastern United States. Up and down the coast, panic spread as the mysterious sphere rose higher in the sky.
Astronomers believe the object is ‘the sun.’
“It heralds a new day, a new era even,” Grady Sanford, chief astronomist at NASA, told The Peoples News. “It brings illumination where once there was only darkness.”
The sun, Sanford explained, is a giant, gaseous ball about 93 million miles from Earth. The Earth orbits around it, making one trip per year, but experts say it hasn’t been seen in America since the fall of 2000. Experts disagreed on why it went away—some blamed Y2K, but others said plant life was the culprit.
“The bushes destroyed it,” insisted Shannon Ravenwood, an arborist at Johns Hopkins University. “They isolated themselves from everything else, and then grew so big that they plunged us, and seemingly the whole world, into an infernal darkness.”
Experts say the sun will continue to rise throughout the day and turn the sky a bright blue. Residents along the East Coast overcame their initial fear and embraced the golden rays.
In Washington D.C., where millions gathered to celebrate the new dawn, Diana Ross and Michael Jackson led revelers in a joyous song about the occasion.
“Everybody look up and feel the hope that we’ve been waiting for,” Ross told the crowd. “Freedom, you see, has got our hearts singing so joyfully.”
Sanford said that shortly after noon today, everyone in America will be able to see the light.
Note: This article is satire, brought to you by the creative minds at The Peoples News.
© 2009 The Peoples News
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