By Bill Matthews
Geithner (far left) and Summers (behind Obama) devised the plan
(WASHINGTON D.C.) President-elect Barack Obama introduced a strategy Monday afternoon that would give his crack economic team 30 more days to figure out how to pull the country out of its financial doldrums.
He’s going to put the nation’s entire trillion-dollar debt on layaway.
“That way, we don’t have to deal with it for a whole month,” said Obama, beaming proudly during an exclusive interview with The Peoples News.
His choice for Treasury Secretary, Timothy Geithner, and Lawrence Summers, Obama’s proposed director of the National Economic Council, came up with the idea while Christmas shopping.
“I was in TJ Maxx when it came to me,” said Geithner. “There was this woman ahead of me who wanted a sweater but couldn’t afford it.”
Summers picked up the story: “And as everyone now knows, credit is evil, so that wasn’t an option for her. So she puts it on this thing called layaway. Tim texted me 911 and seven exclamation points, and I’m all like whoa, slow down.”
Layaway allows a buyer to place an item on hold by putting down a certain percentage of the sales price. They then pay off the remainder of the cost over a period of time, typically 30 days. Geithner and Summers met over margaritas the night of their discovery and hashed out how the principle would give them more time to come up with a real recovery plan.
Obama immediately loved the idea. It reminded him of his childhood, when his mother would put his back-to-school clothes on layaway every August.
“If layaway was good enough for my mother, it’s good enough for the country,” Obama said.
Republican leaders are skeptical of the plan.
“We think this layaway scheme is just another unilateral decision by the Obama administration that shows politics as usual hasn’t gone away despite his cry for change,” said Senate minority leader Mitch McConnell.
When told of McConnell’s comment, Obama began coughing, making a strange noise that sounded like “haters.”
Note: This article is satire, brought to you by the creative minds at The Peoples News.
© 2009 The Peoples News
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