The Obamas Inspire a Nation…of Awful Baby Names

By Bill Matthews

Blacks should stop combining Michelle and Barack Obama’s names

(CLEVELAND) Just after 11 p.m. on Nov. 4, A’Nalisa Taylor gave birth to a boy at The Cleveland Clinic. His name? Obam’Ichelle. Taylor didn’t realize she was a trendsetter.

But in the week since Barack Obama was elected President of the United States, there has been an explosion of misguided baby naming in honor of the new leader, his wife, Michelle, and their two daughters, Malia and Sasha.

“Obamalichelle, Barackmalishus, Maliashalle, Sashaliama, I’ve seen them all,” a weary Isabelle Winters, head nurse at The Cleveland Clinic, told The Peoples News. “People have completely lost their minds.”

The president-elect, in a joint press conference with Michelle on Monday afternoon shortly after they met with George and Laura Bush, called for an end to ‘Naming After Barack.’

“I appreciate the love, but come on, this is ridiculous,” said Obama. “Even my Dad wouldn’t have named me something with six syllables and he was from Kenya.”

This isn’t the first time naming children after a president has gripped the country. ‘Franklin’ jumped in popularity after Roosevelt was elected in 1932. Numerous ‘Dwights’ were born in the age of Eisenhower, and Lyndons (after Johnson) dominated the 60s. ‘Barack’ is popular in part because it has the same etymological roots as the Hebrew name Baruch, which means ‘One who is blessed.’

“But if you get one of these crazy, squashed up names, you’re anything but blessed,” said Connie Brown, president of the National Association of Elementary School Teachers. Her organization has already warned its members to be on the lookout for the tongue-twister names they will be facing in 2012, when today’s newborns will be entering school.

“I know they took away the right of black women in Detroit to name their children. We might have to do that nationwide, if the sisters can’t come correct with these names,” Brown said. (In March, a Detroit judge ruled that three whites must approve the names black women pick out for their children).

But A’Nalisa Taylor doesn’t care about any of that. She’s just happy her son has a name he will wear with pride.

“And someday, maybe when he’s 10 or 11, he’ll learn how to spell it,” Taylor said.

Note: This article is satire, brought to you by the creative minds at The Peoples News. We very much hope it doesn’t turn out to be true.

© 2008 The Peoples News