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Eight Signs You’re In a Relationship With a Photographer

  Guests will be arriving within the hour, and there are many more party preparations to make, but she’s found time to take endless ‘detail’ photos of things no one but she notices If you are in a snowstorm with a screaming toddler desperate to get home she will still stop to take dozens of … Continue reading

Casey Anthony Goes Free—It’s Racist!

By Bill Matthews (@The_PeoplesNews) If she’d been black, she’d really have something to cry about! (ORLANDO) Black people around the country are outraged with the verdict that set Casey Anthony free. They don’t mind that she was acquitted of killing her daughter. They just don’t like that a white woman got off for murder. “If … Continue reading

No More N——: Alabama Publisher To Censor Everything

By Bill Matthews Huck and N—– Jim in better times (BIRMINGHAM) On the heels of removing ‘n——‘ from Mark Twain’s The Adventure of Huckleberry Finn, an Alabama publisher has decided to censor the word in all its forms from other works of fiction, starting with this article. He then tackled the ouevre of 1990s gangsta … Continue reading

Michael Vick Hopes To Own More Dogs—and They Aren’t Too Happy About It

By Bill Matthews Vick campaigns for the ‘Don’t End Dogfighting’ Movement (PHILADELPHIA) Dogs around the United States are doing everything they can right now to make their owners love them. No, it has nothing to do with Santa Claus’ impending visit. It’s that none of them want to get sent off to the Humane Society, … Continue reading

Blacks Thrilled By Prince William’s Engagement

By Shawna Collier No one gets more excited about the British royal family than black people (ATLANTA) Jelisha Turner is finally able to sleep. The news she and all her neighbors have been waiting for finally came through: Prince William is marrying. “You talk about  things that I really care about. Prince William marrying that … Continue reading

Obama’s Gay Appointees Smash Record

By Bill Matthews The first record to fall—perhaps of many (WASHINGTON, D.C.) Less than halfway through his first term, President Obama’s openly gay appointees have smashed a record. That record is Take Five by the Dave Brubeck Quartet. “I hate that record so much, so I’m glad it’s been smashed,” Denis Dison, spokesman for the … Continue reading

Virginia Thomas Asks Ron Goldman’s Dad to Apologize to O.J.

By Bill Matthews Virginia Thomas just wants everyone to apologize. (WASHINGTON D.C.) Virginia Thomas, the wife of Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas, is at it again this morning. She’s asked Fred Goldman, whose son, Ron, was probably killed by O.J. Simpson, to apologize to the Hall of Fame football running back. “No one has ever … Continue reading

A Candidate For the People

Jimmy McMillan is running for New York governor, representing the Rent Is Too Damn High party. (Uhh, what?) That’s a serious waste of his time. He speaks so fast, he should revive Bone Thugs n Harmony instead. Or, with that facial hair, perhaps he could be an 1890s prospector searching for gold. Watch his performance … Continue reading

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