By Bob Meadows
(HOLLYWOOD) One day after Eddie Murphy dropped out of hosting the Oscars, the Academy dropped a bombshell: His brother, Charlie Murphy, will emcee the extravaganza.
“Charlie Murphy is an amazing talent, an incredible storyteller, and he scares the hell out of everyone,” new Oscar producer Brian Grazer told The Peoples News. “If only Rick James was still with us, he could co-host.”
Grazer said Prince and Dave Chappelle, however, remain possibilities.
Eddie Murphy dropped out a day after his good friend, Brett Ratner, stepped down as producer due to a furor over him using the word ‘fag.’
While Billy Crystal, Whoopi Goldberg and Steve Martin were considered as replacements as host, Charlie Murphy’s selection provides another boon.
“He and Eddie look so much alike,” said Academy President Tom Sherak, “that maybe the audience won’t know the difference.”
Lesson, Hopefully, Learned
By Xavier Muhammad
(SUBURBAN ATLANTA) A gang of white men came to Herman Cain’s house in the middle of the night. They called out to him, and when he appeared on the porch, they dragged him into one of their trucks at gunpoint, as his wife, children and grandchildren stood on the porch, helpless to do anything as the trucks disappeared into the darkness.
Cain was beaten with a tire iron and baseball bat. His genitals, ears and fingers were cut off. He was wrapped in barbed wire and cut with knives. The mob urinated and defecated on him. Still living, Cain was tied to a stake and burned. His screams pierced the night, but no one stepped forward to help him. His charred corpse was hoisted into a tree, where the mob fired countless rounds into it, and left it hanging for all to see.
“And that’s what a lynching is, you sonofabitch,” one of the men said.
Cain was then brought back to life, and he and his supporters vowed to never compare anything he goes through to a lynching, high tech or not.
And While Lessons Are Being Learned…
(HEAVEN) Adolf Hitler’s ghost came to me last night with a message: He’s sick of people being compared to him.
“I slaughtered millions of Jews and gypsies and Poles and anything I could get close to. Sure, I used soldiers and scientists to do my bidding, but if I could’ve done it with my bare hands I would have,” the epitome of evil ranted. “These piddly little paper pushers shouldn’t even be mentioned in the same sentence as me.”
Preach on, ghost of Hitler.
Just like lynchings, Hitler comparisons are out of control. Are we that ignorant of history? Hank Williams Jr. compared President Obama to Hitler after he played golf with John Boehner. Liberals called George Bush Hitler. Chris Christie and Michael Bay—Michael Bay…the director—have been compared to Hitler. Kanye West compared himself to Hitler. (Idiot). Georgia state rep John Yates compared illegal immigrants to Hitler. A radio host compared Jimmy Carter to Hitler. Another compared Abraham Lincoln to Hitler.
It is an awful comparison, and unless you are saying Pol Pot or Joseph Stalin, or, to a lesser extent, Gadhafi or Hussein, completely wrong. Let the moratorium begin.
© 2011 The Peoples News