Humor, Movies, politics, Satire

Charlie Murphy To Host The Oscars

By Bob Meadows

New host

(HOLLYWOOD) One day after Eddie Murphy dropped out of hosting the Oscars, the Academy dropped a bombshell: His brother, Charlie Murphy, will emcee the extravaganza.

“Charlie Murphy is an amazing talent, an incredible storyteller, and he scares the hell out of everyone,” new Oscar producer Brian Grazer told The Peoples News. “If only Rick James was still with us, he could co-host.”

Grazer said Prince and Dave Chappelle, however, remain possibilities.

Eddie Murphy dropped out a day after his good friend, Brett Ratner, stepped down as producer due to a furor over him using the word ‘fag.’

While Billy Crystal, Whoopi Goldberg and Steve Martin were considered as replacements as host, Charlie Murphy’s selection provides another boon.

“He and Eddie look so much alike,” said Academy President Tom Sherak, “that maybe the audience won’t know the difference.”

Lesson, Hopefully, Learned

By Xavier Muhammad

This is not what happened to Herman Cain

(SUBURBAN ATLANTA) A gang of white men came to Herman Cain’s house in the middle of the night. They called out to him, and when he appeared on the porch, they dragged him into one of their trucks at gunpoint, as his wife, children and grandchildren stood on the porch, helpless to do anything as the trucks disappeared into the darkness.

Cain was beaten with a tire iron and baseball bat. His genitals, ears and fingers were cut off. He was wrapped in barbed wire and cut with knives. The mob urinated and defecated on him. Still living, Cain was tied to a stake and burned. His screams pierced the night, but no one stepped forward to help him. His charred corpse was hoisted into a tree, where the mob fired countless rounds into it, and left it hanging for all to see.

“And that’s what a lynching is, you sonofabitch,” one of the men said.

Cain was then brought back to life, and he and his supporters vowed to never compare anything he goes through to a lynching, high tech or not.

And While Lessons Are Being Learned…

“Hitlerly” Clinton. Really, people?

(HEAVEN) Adolf Hitler’s ghost came to me last night with a message: He’s sick of people being compared to him.

“I slaughtered millions of Jews and gypsies and Poles and anything I could get close to. Sure, I used soldiers and scientists to do my bidding, but if I could’ve done it with my bare hands I would have,” the epitome of evil ranted. “These piddly little paper pushers shouldn’t even be mentioned in the same sentence as me.”

Preach on, ghost of Hitler.

Just like lynchings, Hitler comparisons are out of control. Are we that ignorant of history? Hank Williams Jr. compared President Obama to Hitler after he played golf with John Boehner. Liberals called George Bush Hitler. Chris Christie and Michael Bay—Michael Bay…the director—have been compared to Hitler. Kanye West compared himself to Hitler. (Idiot). Georgia state rep John Yates compared illegal immigrants to Hitler. A radio host compared Jimmy Carter to Hitler. Another compared Abraham Lincoln to Hitler.

It is an awful comparison, and unless you are saying Pol Pot or Joseph Stalin, or, to a lesser extent, Gadhafi or Hussein, completely wrong. Let the moratorium begin.

—Craig Bates

© 2011 The Peoples News



12 thoughts on “Charlie Murphy To Host The Oscars

  1. Xavier – WOW! – I was a little freaked out… almost didn’t finish the article but felt you had to be making a point. um…. Yep. You are right. I bet James Byrd Jr. would offer a few thoughts on this one.
    Craig – really? But it is so versatile! My coworker didn’t wear red, white, and blue on Red, White, and Blue Day at school. I immediately suspected she was a Communist and I would have called her “Hitler” to her face (especially since she is kinda mean to me) but “Communist” seemed to cover it. I know a guy who doesn’t like chocolate and he is supposedly an American. Closet Communist for sure. How can you take that away from me? What other name so concisely conveys a message? Hyperbole is fun. It is our friend. It makes me laugh.
    Shawna – I’m gonna follow Eddie’s lead and not participate either. Almost anything is a better thing to do than watch the Oscars.

    Craig Bates replies: Calling someone ‘Stalin’ is still okay.

    Posted by Renee | November 11, 2011, 10:56 am
  2. The “Hitler” thing is quite possibly the laziest , most cliched analogy you can use. The reason it’s so widespread? He’s the only historical figure most people know anything about. People are dumb–it’s really that simple.

    Posted by Lou | November 11, 2011, 11:25 am
  3. And when are conservatives going to jump all over Herman Cain for using the ‘race-card”? They do it any other time anyone makes a discrimination claim.

    Posted by Lou | November 11, 2011, 11:32 am
    • Are you talking to me? Are YOU talking to ME! In this case, it is a virtual lynching.
      (and I only say that to annoy you because you are hanging out with the princesses too much- just sayin’

      Posted by Renee | November 11, 2011, 6:05 pm
  4. FYI Xavier – Liberals and the media have been accusing conservatives of lynching Obama for a long time. (They can’t believe it is about policy, must be skin color.)

    Posted by Renee | November 11, 2011, 1:10 pm
    • They certainly played the hell out of that Jeremiah Wright story, though didn’t they? With the exception of Fox and MSNBC, most journalists are just looking for an interesting story.

      And if Obama had at any time directly attributed his opposition to his racial identity, the right would’ve been all over that like homeless- man-smell at a public library.

      Posted by Lou | November 13, 2011, 2:48 pm
      • But he doesn’t have to, the media does it for him. I have stopped watching all television news. Yesss! The media can beat a dead horse to pulp!
        Having attended the same church for almost 30 years – I confess, I do listen to what the Pastor teaches and try to apply it to my life. Hard to believe Obama sat under Reverend Wright all that time and he had no problem with his teaching? hhmmm?
        The media played both sides of the story. They couldn’t deny the mess. They managed to keep anything from sticking to Obama though. They did the same for Clinton. What messes there were during Clinton’s time and he seemed to stay squeaky clean and people were indifferent. But if a conservative mispronounces, forgets, misquotes… well that is way bigger than any cigar story.

        Posted by Renee | November 14, 2011, 10:17 pm
      • “Like home-less man smell at a public library”? Wow. Did not expect that. Funny in a sad and tragic way.

        Posted by Renee | November 15, 2011, 4:13 pm
      • Clinton was absolutely, positively flayed alive in the public eye for the Lewinsky thing—and rightfully so (I’m more concerned with his having lied under oath than for what he did in the bedroom) but if you want to continue to pull out the violins and claim victimhood status for your party—go right ahead. The cold truth is, if you attain or run for public office, you better keep your nose clean or expect to be crucified. (Just ask a certain eyebrow-free ex-pizza chain ceo)

        Posted by Lou | November 29, 2011, 2:56 pm
  5. Mr. Cain, where are your eyebrows, sir? The public demands to know why you look like Nipsey Russell in his tin-man makeup!!

    Posted by Lou | November 29, 2011, 3:11 pm

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