By Bill Matthews
(HOUSTON) Every war, every conflict in the world has come to a halt, as people everywhere have found an issue they can all agree on: that Beyonce and Jay-Z’s baby look like his mother.
“If there is a God in Heaven, the baby will come out resembling her and not him,” former South African President Nelson Mandela told The Peoples News. “It is only fair to all of us.”
Beyonce announced before MTV’s Video Music Awards that she was pregnant, and following her performance, rubbed her belly as the audience howled its approval. But there was an undercurrent of fear. Beyonce is regarded as one of music’s great beauties, while Jay, who was in the audience looking as proud as could be, is not.
“Is there any chance she had an affair, perhaps with that model who knocked up Halle Berry?” wondered Muammar Gaddhafi, who emerged from his hiding spot in Tripoli after hearing of the pregnancy.
Not likely. Since their wedding three years ago, Beyonce and Jay have never spoken publicly about their marriage, but have been each other’s biggest supporter.
Still, the concern stems from previous ‘beauty and beast’ couplings that resulted in ugly children. Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston’s daughter resembles her father, who is ugly, rather than her beautiful mother. Similarly, Marc Anthony and Jennifer Lopez’s twins look like their ugly father.
People all over the world are hoping for the best, but preparing for the worst.
“We knew when Beyonce married Jay that there was a 50- to 75-percent chance her children would be ugly,” said former First Lady Laura Bush. “But now that we’ve reached that bridge, we’re really pulling for them.”
While two ugly people are expected to have ugly children, and beautiful people are expected to have beautiful children (see Berry’s daughter, Nahla), the ugly-beautiful coupling is a true crapshoot. Houston’s looks were thought to have gone to waste by her coupling with Brown, especially since she didn’t have any other children. Lopez’s twins, everyone hopes, will grow out of their ugly stage and take on their mother’s looks.
Despite the fear for the unborn child’s physical appearance, billionaire Carlos Slim realizes the situation could be worse.
“At least she’s not married to Lil Wayne,” he said, shuddering at the thought.
© 2011 The Peoples News