By Bill Matthews
(WASHINGTON D.C.) Republican and Democrat leaders are lining up to kick Tea Party members out of Congress.
“These people are dangerous and have no understanding of how the political system works and, most important, how a politician works,” Republican House leader John Boehner told The Peoples News this morning, as, in an unusual move, he stood arm in arm with Democratic Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid. “They are an affront to the American people.”
At issue, say leaders from both parties, is that Tea Party members ran for office saying they would not support taxes increases—and they haven’t.
“That’s not the American Way,” Reid said. “These people have been in office for months now. Months! And they’re not supporting tax increases—hell, they’re actually pushing for us to lower taxes, if you can believe that—just because they made some silly campaign promises to do that very thing. That is not politics.”
Nancy Pelosi explained that the usual U.S. politician says whatever he or she needs to get elected, and then, once in office, compromises almost every position they took during the campaign. George H.W. Bush gave Dan Quayle actual responsibilities, Bill Clinton had relations with women who were way less hot than Marilyn Monroe, and George W. Bush destroyed the fabric of the nation, which they all pinkie swore to not do.
Harvard smart person Gary Scheff said politicians should compromise in order to accomplish anything. Otherwise, you have the potential for gridlock, and issues that drag on for weeks and months and become so incredibly annoying that you eventually don’t give a rat’s ass how they turn out.
But Tea Party members are having none of it.
“My parents taught me to keep my promises, and so, I figured it was important that I stick by my word,” said Colorado’s Mike Coffman, who has sworn fealty to the Party.”That’s what we’re supposed to be doing, right?”
Arizona Senator John McCain turned red as the blood of an aborted fetus when told about Coffman’s comment.
“That is such a juvenile position. Bizarro. We may as well let children run Congress,” he said. “I’ve gone against campaign promises so many times that I write my speeches on Etch-a-Sketches now. We have to compromise, or the system doesn’t work.”
McCain did agree, however, with the viewpoint expressed by Senator Chuck Schumer, that the Tea Party has the coolest political name. “The words just go together,” Schumer said admiringly. “Kind of like if you’re an entertainer and called yourself Crystal Waters. Very cool. I wish that was our name, instead of Democrats.”
Missouri’s Vicky Hartzler, herself a Tea Party favorite, explained that her party is for the people, of the people and by the people.
“There’s no compromise in us, no backing down. We’re doing what we said we would do—take back this country from the RINOs who started this ruin and the Democratcs who continue it,” she said. “We promise.”
© 2011 The Peoples News