Humor, Satire

Introducing Talking Vagina Hands!

By Xavier Muhammad

Talk to the hand: Talking Vagina Hand, that is!

(VAGINA LAND, U.S.) And so at last, the day has come, where talking vagina hands are dinner conversation. Summer’s Eve, in its latest advertising campaign, is airing three commercials, one that greets us with “Welcome from Vaginaland, population 3.5 billion.” (And, to be immature about it, since it sounds like an amusement park, I will take this moment to wonder what kinds of rides Vaginaland features).

But well, since one of the commercials features white hands, another brown and another that ‘speaks’ with a Latina-sounding voice, people can’t help but bring race into the fray. The commercials, they say, perpetuate stereotypes.

Of what? Real life talking vagina hands? Protests one blogger: The black woman is “Pam Grier and Lil’ Kim all wrapped in to one.” The black woman? She means the BLACK TALKING VAGINA HAND.

Does it really matter if the brown talking vagina hand is sassy, and says things like Yowza? It’s a TALKING VAGINA HAND, people. Sassiness is the least of our problems.

Maybe I’m reacting this way because I’m threatened by strong signs of feminine power. Let me ask Shawna.

Xavier: Shawna, do you think my reaction to this ad, and not really feeling the whole racism aspect, is a sign that I’m intimidated by feminine power?

Shawna: You’re only coming to me to either validate your opinion or ease your conscious. I didn’t come to you when I wrote about Venitra Davies’ hair issues.

Xavier: But you’re here, and we’re friends.

Shawna: Figure it out for yourself.

Xavier: I will. And hey, what do you think of our new layout? I Photoshopped the new logo, which includes Venitra’s face.

Xavier: Shawna? Hello?

Damn, she was no help. So I will just stick to the racism aspect of this: People, let’s love a creative world that not only envisions but creates talking vagina hands, while also acknowledging that the ad making it to commercial television is one of the signs of the apocalypse.

Thank you.

X out.

© 2011 The Peoples News

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Discussion

2 thoughts on “Introducing Talking Vagina Hands!

  1. I think you might be intimidated by Shawna…. I think these ads are totally racist. The white hand works out at the gym and needs to make friends with her vagigi. Everyone knows how uptight white women are. The black hand needs to be ready for some action at the club ’cause that’s what black hands do. Everybody knows that. The Latino hand is bragging about her ability to shove out babies, and traveling… over the border. Yep. Totally racist. Really, really sorry men and children will be subjected to these. There is nothing left in this world that is sacred or mysterious. Too bad.

    Posted by Renee | July 25, 2011, 11:37 pm
  2. Soooo….if you happened to be one of the people who modeled for this ad, could you tell people you had a “hand-job”? Technically it would be true–but I would advise against it.

    I’ve never seen any of these commercials and maybe that’s for the best.

    Posted by Lou | July 27, 2011, 9:32 am

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