Barack Obama, family, Humor, politics, Satire

To Boost Sagging Ratings, Obama Adds a Cute Kid


By Bill Matthews

Obama says the addition of Lil’ Daryl is not a ratings ploy.

(WASHINGTON DC) Critics say it’s a desperate attempt to boost the president’s sagging approval rating. The White House calls it love. Regardless, the president who has done so much for television seems to be taking a cue from the medium: He’s adding a cute child to his family.

The 5-year-old addition, a little boy known as Lil’ Daryl, is a half-white, half-Vietnamese orphan who has a way of getting himself into dire predicaments but coming out of them a little wiser.

“Aw shucks,” the boy was overheard saying this morning, when his baseball crashed through Mean Ol’ Mr. Boehner’s window. L.D., as journalists too lazy to repeatedly type “Lil’ Daryl” will call him for the rest of this article, devised an elaborate plan to stealthily retrieve the ball and raise $12 million for Obama’s 2012 campaign.

While daughters Malia and Sasha are attractive children, their cuteness factor has waned since Obama was elected in 2008. Some feel the president has a winner with L.D., who comes from the one country that Republicans have not said Obama was born in.

“That kid is really something else,” Roland Martin, a professional opinion-haver, told The Peoples News. “He’s precocious, he’s got big eyes, you never know what he’s going to say next. He’s like a little Glenn Beck.”

Others aren’t so sure. With the ongoing debt limit debate, the worsening or, at best, stagnant economy, war in too many countries to name, and the continued success of Jersey Shore, Obama has had a rocky tenure that even a doe-eyed youngster might not be able to help him with.

“This is just another way for him to spread to his socialist agenda,” said Jim Greer, chairman of Save Florida From Obama’s Socialist Agenda. “He’s led us straight to hell, and if he thinks we’re going to be distracted by a cute kid when…well….”

At that moment, L.D. walked by and winked at Greer.

“He sure is a cutie though,” Greer said, his eyes misting. “What was I saying?”

Adding cute children is never a certain indicator of success. It worked for John F. Kennedy in 1960, but it was a complete failure on Diff’rent Strokes, when Sam joined, and The Cosby Show, which introduced Olivia in later years.

“When something is coming to an end, there’s a tendency to want to shake things up, to give it a boost you hope will carry on,” says political observer Chester Patrika. “Sometimes that’s by adding a Cousin Oliver on The Brady Bunch and other times it’s adding Seven on Married With Children. Who was Seven? That’s exactly my point. It can work, but overall, it’s a harbinger of doom.” Obama supporters, however, think of L.D. more like Kirstie Alley. She replaced Shelly Long on Cheers, and the show didn’t miss a beat.

© 2011 The Peoples News

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Discussion

2 thoughts on “To Boost Sagging Ratings, Obama Adds a Cute Kid

  1. Ahhh—that’s “Shelly” Long People’s news. Brush up on your suburban 80’s sitcom facts!

    Yeah, cute last-minute character editions and potential spin-off episodes were amongst my biggest pet peeves about those old sitcoms back in the day. I ‘m here for Al and Peg Bundy—what do I care about Bud’s douchey roommate who runs an irreverent on-campus radio station???

    Funny story though.

    The Peoples News responds: Oops, yes, Shelly. Good eys, Lou. She played Diane Chambers!

    Posted by Lou | July 14, 2011, 8:42 am
  2. ….and take back what you said about “Sam” from Diff’rent Strokes! He called Mr. Drummond, “Mr.D”–in a twangy little southern accent no less!

    That sh#$ was adorable!!

    Posted by Lou | July 14, 2011, 9:17 am

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