Michael Vick Hopes To Own More Dogs—and They Aren’t Too Happy About It

By Bill Matthews

Vick campaigns for the ‘Don’t End Dogfighting’ Movement

(PHILADELPHIA) Dogs around the United States are doing everything they can right now to make their owners love them. No, it has nothing to do with Santa Claus’ impending visit. It’s that none of them want to get sent off to the Humane Society, since Michael Vick has said he’d like to own another one someday.

Vick, who was convicted and jailed in 2007 for being really, really bad for dogs’ health,  told The Peoples News that he thinks owning a dog would help in his rehabilitation.

“I liked fighting dogs against each other and I liked killing them once they couldn’t fight anymore. I really miss that,” Vick said. “Not that I would do that now. But there’s nothing more soothing than the sound a dog makes when you send an electric current through its body to kill it.”

Vick, once the NFL’s most overrated player, is actually living up to his long-undeserved hype this season, his second one back after getting out of jail. He makes a lot of money and owns lots of land where a dog can run free or be buried without authorities knowing.

“I can bury just about anything out here and no one can find out,” Vick said. “Unless someone snitches on me again. Punk ass bitches.”

Some compare Vick getting a dog to a convicted child molester getting a babysitting job. Others compare it to a person who just had gastric bypass getting a lifetime pass to Arby’s. Others say it’s more like a person who likes to kill dogs getting dogs.

And then some say Vick’s continued persecution is unwarranted.

“People hunt, and that’s somehow OK. That’s killing animals. But pitting two dogs against each other and killing the loser is somehow wrong. I don’t get it,” said Al Paxton, who owns two cats. “It’s a dog, for goodness sakes. You can kill a person and get away with it, but killing a dog sends you to jail for years. That doesn’t make any sense.”

Vick is barred from owning dogs due to his conviction. But he has vowed that from now on, like hunters, he will either eat the meat of any dog he kills or mount its head on his living room wall.

Marvin P. Westerman, chairman of the Humane Society of Eastern Pennsylvania, isn’t sure that pledge warrants giving Vick a second…or rather, 55th chance to own a dog. “Sure, everyone loves hot dogs at the ballpark, but except in Cleveland, they’re not made with real dog,” Westerman said. “I don’t know that Michael understands this.”

Despite the uproar, dogs themselves are happy to play with and be owned by just about anyone. Just not Vick.

“We will fight for food, to protect our humans and our cubs, and to keep our bitches in line,” said Fido Lovebones, president of K9 Unit 72, a union governing dogs in the Northeast. “But if you think for a moment that we will allow our members to live in the house of this man who led so many of our brothers to their deaths, you have lost your f—— mind.”



3 thoughts on “Michael Vick Hopes To Own More Dogs—and They Aren’t Too Happy About It

  1. They asked Scooby to comment on this story. He said, “Thats rucked up”.

    Posted by Lou | December 21, 2010, 7:47 am
  2. Dogs is horrified at much of what weve heard and hope that the authorities are able to determine whether or not Vick was involved and prosecute the responsible parties appropriately. A state task force went to the property searching for a person that they believed may be on the property but the person was not Vick. Investigators would not reveal the name of the person they were searching for. While investigators were at the property they discovered three buildings behind the home that housed several barking dogs. When they had a chance to go to the site they discovered animal neglect Surry County Administrator Tyrone Franklin. Franklin said that the dogs appeared to be hungry and forgotten. Both state and county investigators were searching the property Wednesday afternoon.

    Posted by Monex | December 27, 2010, 9:48 am
  3. fuck u

    The Peoples News responds: Brief and to the point. Love it!

    Posted by isaiah | October 18, 2011, 12:48 pm

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