By Bill Matthews
(WASHINGTON D.C.) Virginia Thomas, the wife of Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas, is at it again this morning.
She’s asked Fred Goldman, whose son, Ron, was probably killed by O.J. Simpson, to apologize to the Hall of Fame football running back.
“No one has ever proved that O.J. killed Ron, and yet Fred has gone around saying all these awful things about the Juice,” Thomas told The Peoples News. “I think it’s only fair. And it’s something I think America has been waiting for.”
The apology request comes just days after Thomas began her Insane Apologies Request Tour. She first asked Anita Hill, who Clarence Thomas probably sexually harassed several times, to apologize for testifying about the horrid things Clarence did. Virginia Thomas then asked Rihanna to apologize to Chris Brown for repeatedly using her face to stop Brown’s fists.
“We have to be fair in life,” Thomas said. “And I think my tour will bring more fairness to America.”
Thomas left Hill, now a professor at Brandeis, a voice mail asking for an apology. Hill thought it was a prank and turned the message over to the FBI. When they verified it was actually Thomas, Hill devised a new strategy.
“I’m carrying a jar of Vaseline with me wherever I go from now on,” Hill said. “As soon as I see that bitch, the earrings are coming off. It’s gonna be on like popcorn.”
Goldman, who brought a civil suit against Simpson after the retired football player was acquitted of murder, said he would consider apologizing.
“Maybe I was a little harsh on O.J. Yeah, he killed my son and got away with it, but I know he didn’t really mean to do it,” Goldman said. “Send me his number so I can give him a call. Maybe we can have a beer summit or something like that.”
Thomas was pelased.
“I’m a white woman married to a black man. O.J. is a black man who was married to a white woman. We have a lot in common,” she said.
Next up, she will ask Jews to apologize to Germany for giving Nazis a bad name.
Note: This article is satire, brought to you by the creative minds at The Peoples News.