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Virginia Thomas Asks Ron Goldman’s Dad to Apologize to O.J.

By Bill Matthews

Virginia Thomas just wants everyone to apologize.

(WASHINGTON D.C.) Virginia Thomas, the wife of Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas, is at it again this morning.

She’s asked Fred Goldman, whose son, Ron, was probably killed by O.J. Simpson, to apologize to the Hall of Fame football running back.

“No one has ever proved that O.J. killed Ron, and yet Fred has gone around saying all these awful things about the Juice,” Thomas told The Peoples News. “I think it’s only fair. And it’s something I think America has been waiting for.”

The apology request comes just days after Thomas began her Insane Apologies Request Tour. She first asked Anita Hill, who Clarence Thomas probably sexually harassed several times, to apologize for testifying about the horrid things Clarence did. Virginia Thomas then asked Rihanna to apologize to Chris Brown for repeatedly using her face to stop Brown’s fists.

“We have to be fair in life,” Thomas said. “And I think my tour will bring more fairness to America.”

Thomas left Hill, now a professor at Brandeis, a voice mail asking for an apology. Hill thought it was a prank and turned the message over to the FBI. When they verified it was actually Thomas, Hill devised a new strategy.

“I’m carrying a jar of Vaseline with me wherever I go from now on,” Hill said. “As soon as I see that bitch, the earrings are coming off. It’s gonna be on like popcorn.”

Goldman, who brought a civil suit against Simpson after the retired football player was acquitted of murder, said he would consider apologizing.

“Maybe I was a little harsh on O.J. Yeah, he killed my son and got away with it, but I know he didn’t really mean to do it,” Goldman said. “Send me his number so I can give him a call. Maybe we can have a beer summit or something like that.”

Thomas was pelased.

“I’m a white woman married to a black man. O.J. is a black man who was married to a white woman. We have a lot in common,” she said.

Next up, she will ask Jews to apologize to Germany for giving Nazis a bad name.

Note: This article is satire, brought to you by the creative minds at The Peoples News.

© 2010 The Peoples News
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Discussion

3 thoughts on “Virginia Thomas Asks Ron Goldman’s Dad to Apologize to O.J.

  1. So funny that he has “Tom” in his name. (Not ’cause of the wife, just everything else.)

    Are you guys sure that’s him, though? That looks nothing like a person and more like something from the Jim Henson studios.

    Posted by Lou | October 21, 2010, 8:49 am
  2. Bill Mathews satire misses the mark. Ron Goldman’s father really should have said “I know you didn’t kill my daughter ( she was on the phone with us at the time she was supposedly killed by you but the GTE records were never released) but you you know I never wanted you to marry her and we wanted custody of the grandchildren. Since I got all this money from the civil suit, where we didn’t have to prove anything, I also wanted to keep a righteous face. I am sorry that I have continued these baseless accusations. I hope you understand and accept my apology.

    Posted by forest tucker | November 11, 2010, 10:26 am
    • What? You need to get your facts straight, Fred Goldman didn’t have a daughter killed. He lost his son, hello…RON, you mentioned him by name. Furthermore, this woman should be ashamed of herself telling Fred Goldman to apologize to his son’s murderer. If you think he didn’t do it, look at the facts again, but start by at least getting the family tree correct. I have a feeling you’d look a little closer if it were your child stabbed to death.

      Posted by Kerry | February 2, 2012, 10:30 am

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