African American, black women, Humor, politics, Satire

Condi Regrets Sending Crips To Negotiate Mideast Peace

By Bill Matthews


Rice and the ‘Criplomats’ held several meetings before flying to Israel.

(WASHINGTON D.C.) In her upcoming autobiography, former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice admits her only regret during her tenure was being unable to broker peace between Israel and Palestine.

Her fatal error in the negotiations was bringing members of the Crips street gang with her to work out the treaty, she said. The Crips didn’t grasp the enormity of the disagreements each side had.

“They thought the Gaza Strip was a gentlemen’s club,” Rice told The Peoples News with an exasperated sigh. “Things went from bad to worse after that. I told them to not bring guns into the negotiating room.”

Israeli representatives stormed out of the meeting and their country soon began bombing Gaza. The bombardment has so far killed nearly 800 people.

Political scholars had been wary of Rice’s decision to take the gang members with her. While the Crips’ 1992 peace agreement with their archrivals, the Bloods, lasted a decade, not everyone felt that skillful negotiation translated to the long embattled Mideast.

“These factions have been fighting for thousands upon thousands of years. Maybe we have to realize they just like to fight each other,” said Herman Greenstein, associate professor of complicated issues at Harvard University’s School of Lost Causes. “Seriously, perhaps the better negotiation tactic is to throw a bunch of weapons in there and see who’s the last one standing.”

Rice, though, felt certain the gang members–who she termed ‘Criplomats’–would be helpful because they’re used to waging war over territory that they don’t actually own, and for meager gains that mean little outside their neighborhood. The triviality of their battles, she thought, made up for their lack of experience in diplomacy.

But Rice was also inspired by Barack Obama’s election–she said it gave her the freedom to reach out to her people. With that mindset, she made a trip to South Central L.A. in December 2008, and spent time with both Crips and Bloods. She felt like they bonded, and had a brainstorm when she said her goodbyes.

“One of them, his name was Ru-Dog, said to me ‘Peace in the Middle East’ as he walked away,” Rice recalled. “I thought, yes, peace in the Middle East, that’s what it’s all about.”

Days later, Ru-Dog and three other Crips were on a flight to Jerusalem.

In retrospect, it was one huge fiasco. Rice realized later that she was rather suggestible that day. After another Crip waved goodbye and said ‘Peace and Hair Grease,’ the secretary hustled over to Cecy’s Beauty Salon and bought some Afro-Sheen.

Note: This article is satire, brought to you by the creative minds at The Peoples News.

© 2010 The Peoples News



4 thoughts on “Condi Regrets Sending Crips To Negotiate Mideast Peace

  1. I could see where she was going with that. Hey, she tried! 🙂

    Posted by Leila | January 13, 2009, 7:40 am
  2. Condi made a critical error, she should have brought the Bloods. They, of course, have a long-standing international peace track record. If she couldn’t get them I’m sure Cecy might have been free. We all know that a good hair style solves all the world’s ills. Ask Rihanna whose short cropped look single-handedly averted the gas crisis.

    Posted by Cee Cee | January 13, 2009, 9:42 am
  3. Naw, she should have brought along Jesse Jackson. He would have got the peace talks going by threatening to pull off somebody’s cajones.

    Posted by Kelli | January 13, 2009, 11:21 pm
  4. Definitely creative. Hey if Cowboy Diplomacy can work for Captain Picard…

    Posted by Daymon The Basketeere | February 1, 2009, 6:14 am

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