African American, Black men, Fashion, Humor, Satire

Is My Butt Out?


Free at last!

I’m not a teenager. I’m not retarded. I have a job. I am educated. I know how to dress. I know how to use a belt.

So, although I’m black and male and live in an urban area, I do not understand the fashion style that has plagued and embarrassed black people for nearly 20 years: Ass out pants.

Yeah, I just made up that term, but you know what I’m talking about. You see these guys with their asses out and you worry about their mental state. Are they retarded? Do they know how idiotic they look? Are those little girl jeans Lil Wayne is wearing? And since we all know anyone who wears the style means is a lawless thug, you question how can they run from the police, how can they climb into someone’s window late at night, how can Mama (Daddy certainly isn’t around) let him out looking like that? And do girls actually find the look attractive?

None of the kids I’ve asked has ever give me a satisfactory answer. “It’s comfortable,” the boys say. The girls just roll their eyes, knowing how ass out pants look, but since that’s all they have to choose from, that’s what they pick.

Last weekend, my curiosity got the best of me. I put on my elastic-band gym shorts and when I got over my mid-thigh, stopped pulling them up. My ass was out, covered only by my boxers. And it was…liberating. Oh man, it was astonishingly comfortable. I felt free. My pants were in no danger of falling. I could lift my knees high, so yes, I would be able to run from cops after the mugging I suddenly felt the compulsion to perform.

I walked around the house and then, why not, decided to venture outside. I would be as discreet as possible: My shorts were black, my underwear was black, my shirt was black. But still, would someone say something to me? Probably not. Would they look at me with disdain? Probably so.

I opened the door. And then…wait a minute. This was an experiment, but no one but me knew about it. I know people in my neighborhood, some by name, some by face. But if they don’t know this was just a test, they might think I’m retarded, that I’m the idiot.

And just like that, my courage fled. Or maybe my good sense returned. I closed the door. Sat down on my couch. And enjoyed the extreme comfort of wearing my pants like a retard. Later on, when I pulled my pants up like a normal person, they felt oddly restricting. As if they were too tight and confining.

The next day, walking around my neighborhood, I saw a group of young thugs. I knew they were thugs because they wore ass out jeans. As usual, I looked upon them with disdain. As usual, I thought they were retarded. But inside, and not even too far down, I understood.

—Bob Meadows

© 2010 The Peoples News



7 thoughts on “Is My Butt Out?

  1. It’s not a black fashion statement…it’s a ghetto thug fashion statement. If those foolios want to run around town like that…let them.

    Posted by my2cents | August 20, 2010, 8:28 am
  2. I, too, have felt a desire to wear a similar style- crack out pants. I know my ass is too big for low-rise jeans, but wear them anyway. Am I a wrong? They’re oh, so comfortable. Many times I’ve been tempted to wear “mom” jeans that covered my crack & my ample rear end, but couldn’t get pass how comfortable it is to let it all hang out.
    Thank you, Peoples News, for understanding how freeing it is to wear ass-out pants. 🙂

    Posted by Leila | August 20, 2010, 1:33 pm
  3. I could never understand the trend either (btw, plenty of whites and latinos do the same thing too, but yes, the trend does disproportionately lean towards the black kids). What really baffles me though, is that when they wear their “shorts” that low, the cuffs are maybe 4-5 inches above their shoes, basically making them highwater pants…why not just wear pants at that point?? But then when pants/jeans are worn, they just drag bottom 6-8 inches of their pants along the ground. And half of the people who dress like this walk around holding their pants up as they go so they don’t fall down. Then there’s the underwear worn at a normal height, then mesh basketball shorts below those, then the shorts/pants worn over that hanging below the ass. Weird.

    Posted by Adam | August 20, 2010, 1:51 pm
  4. You are one of those ppl who confuse folk! Retarded, but you understand…. Foolishness I tell you. I see these guys walking holding up their pants and walking with their legs out…it looks absurd Your jobs will be walking around on the sidewalk looking at people driving by in nice cars. You will afford a bicycle…ride that with your ass out pants. You’ll lose your asses (ass for each color pants). Well. Good night.

    Posted by Naja | August 21, 2010, 3:59 am
  5. Mr Bates,

    You were joking right? Any man walking around showing off his ass has to be a closet homosexual trying to attract attention. What a sorry selection of beaus for today’s young women.

    Posted by not amused | August 23, 2010, 5:58 pm
  6. Y’all know there can only be one possible next step in the evolution of the fashion trend right? Yep, you guessed it. T-shirts with no bottoms whatsoever.
    I’m talking straight up Donald Duck style!

    I’m ready for that sh@# too. Been applying a lot of Noxema and Atra cream back there.

    Posted by Lou | August 24, 2010, 2:13 pm
  7. Letting your pants hang down started in prisons where submissive prisoners (“bitches) would show their availability and that they were ready to provide sexual services for their dominant partner (protector).

    True! Heard it from a prison social worker with many years experience. Tell that to the young kids.

    Posted by cruddycat | August 27, 2010, 11:56 am

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