Humor, politics, Satire

Ultra Super New Black Panther Party Still Somehow Scaring White People

By Xavier Muhammad

Two of the three members of the Ultra Super New Black Panther Party

(PHILADELPHIA) The Ultra Super New Black Panther Party will hold its next meeting at the stairwell behind Jimmy’s house on 14th street, the one with the red awning and the porch swing that needs repair. Punch and pie will be served.

The USNBPP, which has three members if you count Geraldine, who usually holds the camera when they go out, is continuing the mission of the original Black Panther Party for Self Defense, which started school and lunch programs for children, preached self-defense, black pride and unity, wore cool sunglasses and berets, and had its ultimate message distorted by those who only saw the defiance and cool shades.

The USNBPP is exactly the same, except without the schools, food programs or cool clothes.

“Wait a minute. Our outfits are still cool. We wear what they wore then,” USNBPP leader King Samir Shabazz told The Peoples News. When told the look instead was as played out as his perpetual scowl, Shabazz, whose last name is yet another reference to a tired era, grew visibly upset.

“I can’t help it if I’m an anachronism,” he said. He then continued to scowl and talked about how much he hated white people and referred to them as ‘crackers,’ basically being so boring that he actually put himself to sleep.

Despite the Panthers’ complete lack of resources, funding, agenda, or resonance with anyone who has sense, FOX News succeeded in making out the two men as some sort of all-powerful super Negroes just steps from conquering America.

“They’re going to kill us all!” Megyn Kelly screamed for two straight hours yesterday on her midday show. “They’re black! They’re panthers! Why didn’t the Justice department continue its investigation? Why didn’t the other networks cover this? Why? They’re going to kill us all!”

Kelly began frothing at the mouth and had to be carried away. She had been discussing how Shabazz and the one other Panther, Jerry Jackson, stood outside a voting area in Philadelphia during the 2008 presidential election, wearing their ancient Panther getups. The Justice department looked into the case due to allegations of voter intimidation, but then dropped it. One whistleblower sent Kelly into her frenzy when he claimed the Justice department halted the investigation because the two Panthers are black.

The Justice department, however, issued a statement saying they dropped the investigation because, while a videotape shows Shabazz and Jackson trying to look menacing, it’s clear white people were not fazed at all by the two men.

“Even white women talking on their cell phones ignored them,” said a Justice department spokesman.

Shabazz said he would try harder next time.

“I’m gonna wear my really dark shades and my ‘By Any Means Necessary’ T-shirt next time,” he said. “That’ll show ’em. That’ll show ’em good.”

© 2010 The Peoples News

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Discussion

3 thoughts on “Ultra Super New Black Panther Party Still Somehow Scaring White People

  1. I was beginning to wonder if “The Peoples News” heard about this. (I know you all have other lives…) Here’s the deal…
    I’ve been wondering “Where are all the war protesters?” We are still at war. Our troops are not home. Dubya is gone so… what… no one cares that we are still at war? Where are the war protesters?
    Then, this situation comes to light. What the heck?
    I watched the video. Several times. I listen. I read. I watch other people react. Then it comes to me… someone wants me upset about this situation. They are trying to get me in a frenzy, make me feel scared and intimidated. Just like someone wanted the people upset and freakin’ out about the war.
    I think the war protesters are sitting at home feeling used and manipulated. I’m not going there. I don’t know what those men were doing there, I don’t care. Who didn’t get to vote? Who got hurt? (That is the funny side to prejudice… watching people get all tangled up in their own thinking.)
    I believe the Justice Department dropped the case due to a lack of evidence of any wrong-doing. Obama hasn’t brought the troops home because it is politically necessary to stay in this war.
    So are we going to see an article on how trifling the AgDept is?

    The Peoples News responds: This one almost got away from us, Renee, but we just couldn’t resist. The AgDept…maybe; we’re trying to figure it out.

    Posted by Renee | July 22, 2010, 10:16 am
  2. Your forgot to metion that Ieshuh Grifiin would be the guest speaker for the event…….

    The Peoples News responds: Good Lord….

    Posted by Mike | July 22, 2010, 11:01 am

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