Humor, Music, Satire, We Are the World 25 Haiti

Haiti Annoyed By ‘We Are the World’ Remake

By Bill Matthews

No, really. Please make them stop singing, Haiti asks

(PORT AU PRINCE) The screaming started low but within seconds reached a crescendo. Haitians spilled into the streets, holding their ears in agony, some weeping in despair.

“Make it stop! Make it stop,” shouted Fabienne St. Pierre, who lost her home in the earthquake. But this time, she was lamenting over Justin Bieber’s dreadful solo that opens the remake of We Are the World.

St. Pierre’s reaction to the song was echoed by millions of Haitians who were displaced by January’s earthquake or mourning loved ones who were victims of it.

“Haven’t we suffered enough?” Daniel Dellatour asked The Peoples News. “I mean, really. Lil’ Wayne? Sure Dylan couldn’t recognize a note if it smacked him in the head, but at least he didn’t compound it by using autotune.”

Lil’ Wayne, Snoop Dogg, LL Cool J, will.i.am, Miley Cyrus and Pink were among the artists who sang on the remake of the classic tune.  Jamie Foxx did an impression of Ray Charles, who was on the 1985 version, and the ghost of Michael Jackson sings with his sister Janet.

Several of the performers defended their work, saying they were just trying to help.

“At least we did something. What did you do?” Barbra Streisand asked a group of people who were heckling the effort. “We added a whole rap part and we’re going to raise a lot of money for the cause.”

Haitians, though, wish the singers had come up with a different way to show support.

“Maybe they could have just taken up a collection from everyone who was there and sent that instead,” said Penelope Grieyere. “Barbra Streisand and Quincy Jones by themselves probably could’ve funded a few thousand humanitarian missions just from the change that falls in their sofa cushions.”

President Obama issued an apology to Haiti for the remake. Republicans initially criticized the president for apologizing, but after hearing the song issued one of their own.

“Good Lord that was like listening to a drunk cat scraping its vocal chords across a chalkboard,” said House Minority Leader John Boehner. “I don’t agree with the president on much, but in this case, he’s right on target.”

Note: This article is satire, brought to you by the creative minds at The Peoples News.

© 2010 The Peoples News

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Discussion

4 thoughts on “Haiti Annoyed By ‘We Are the World’ Remake

  1. Really funny–and kinda true. The original had harmony, this one just sounds like a shouting contest.

    I must be getting old ’cause I can’t recognize half of the people in this new one.

    Posted by LOU | February 16, 2010, 9:30 am
  2. Hahaha…it was a terrible remake. I’m going to agree with Jay-Z on this one…some things are classics and should NEVER be remade…We Are The World is among those things.

    The very last things I wanted to see were Justin Bieber, Miley Cyrus and an autotuned Lil’ Wayne…yuck.

    Come up with a new 2010 song.

    Posted by mokachyna | February 16, 2010, 11:17 am
  3. Truer words have never been written… thank you TPN for expressing what everyone has been thinking. RIP MJ…

    Posted by kjohnson | February 19, 2010, 12:18 am
  4. Why in the world are Vince Vaughn and Jeff Bridges in this?

    Posted by Amy | February 19, 2010, 10:13 am

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