African American, Black men, Humor, Music, Satire

NASA Joins Search For Kanye West’s Mind

By Bill Matthews

kanyetaylorKanye asked Taylor Swift if she had seen his mind anywhere

(NEW YORK) Three years after it was first reported missing, the mind of Kanye West is the subject of an ever-increasing brainhunt.

This morning, NASA pledged use of the Hubble Telescope to see if it could locate the gray matter.

“If Kanye is allowed to remain mindless much longer, it could be detrimental to the entire world,” said NASA spokesman Greg Stapleton. “Trust me, his has to get his mind back, or we will all be in great danger.”

Stapleton said NASA became involved when it was discovered that the world does, in fact, revolves around West. While West has preached that for many years, many assumed it was just more of his mindless ramblings.

Yet without a mind to guide him, West’s behavior just grows more irrational, and now threatens to throw the Earth off its orbit and eventually plunge the planet into the sun.

West said he misplaced his mind in 2006. He wanted to change it because it was dirty but instead, lost it.

His latest act of mindless behavior occurred Sunday night. After Taylor Swift won Best Video Female at the Video Music Awards, West, wearing a Glad trash bag he cut into a vest, ran onstage. He began talking but, as usual, without a mind, his words came out as gibberish.

“I wanted to bring attention to my haircut, which I did using a swirly spoon and an early 90s book on cool cuts,” West said in a statement that was written in crayons.

An MTV spokeswoman said the move was “vintage, mindless Kanye.”

“He got away with being mindless for some time, but now it’s pretty obvious he doesn’t think before he does anything–speak, attempt to sing, coordinate his outfits, get haircuts,” said the spokeswoman. “Pretty much now, everything he does, people are saying ‘Kanye’s lost his mind.’ His secret is out, and it isn’t pretty.”

© 2009 The Peoples News



11 thoughts on “NASA Joins Search For Kanye West’s Mind

  1. It’s sad and alarming that he keeps getting invited to awards functions when he’s got such a history of bad behaviour. Shame on him; kudos to Beyonce – regardless of whether it was her idea or her PR folks’ idea to let Taylor come out.

    In any case, I wonder if SETI might have better luck searching for Kanye’s mind than Hubble, which is really dependent on where it’s pointed to find things. SETI just scans everything everywhere…

    Posted by Ophelia | September 15, 2009, 7:37 am
    • Thank you for this. It puts the whole thing in perspective!

      Posted by Anne C. | September 15, 2009, 12:44 pm
    • He keeps getting invited to these functions because in this country censorship is frowned upon. John McEnroe exhibited extremely bad behavior on the tennis courts but it was oh-so-cute. The Heavens would have opened up and bled if Arthur Ashe had done likewise. Hate on Kanye all you want but he is laughing all the way to the bank and Kanye we love you.

      The Peoples News responds: We appreciate your passion regarding this topic, Jean. But to correct one point: No one thought McEnroe’s actions were cute back then. He was regularly booed.

      Posted by Jean | September 18, 2009, 8:29 am
  2. Something tells me they will eventually find it…somewhere deep within the uncharted territories of his anus.

    Posted by LOU | September 15, 2009, 8:26 am
  3. Yes, Kanye commited a f aux pas; but your article, albeit was much shorter regarding Joe Wilson. Hey, I know a lot of people don’t like Kanye. Kanye needs to learn that no matter what you think, you simply cannot blurt it out like that. It was after all, an awards show. Don’t you think Mr. Matthews that Joe Wilson deserves the most of your parody? He insulted the president of the United States. Taylor Swift is a singer. Come on, let’s be fair here. Show me some outrage over dirty Joe Wilson

    Bill Matthews responds: Xavier Muhammad had already designated Joe Wilson as the Trifling Person of the Week; there wasn’t really any more for me to say.

    Posted by Jean | September 15, 2009, 10:29 am
    • You could have said NASA is looking for Joe Wilson’s mind.

      I still think your article was short and tepid regarding Joe Wilson but long on attacking the entertainer Kanye West because no matter how uncomfortable it makes people Kanye tells the truth although in the wrong venue in this case.

      Posted by Jean | September 18, 2009, 8:24 am
  4. Haaahhhaaa!!! “Glad trash bag cut into a vest” Hilarious!! But on a serious note, I really think Kanye is struggling with self conrol issues as well as mental health stuff. he was on Leno’s new show yesterday and attempted to apologize to Taylor. It was one of the most awkward moments I have ever witnessed!! Especially after Leno asked him how he thinks his mom would have felt about it. I thought he was going to burst out in tears. He needs to take some time off.

    Posted by Jenny B. | September 15, 2009, 10:57 am
  5. I didn’t like how Leno exploited the death of West’s mother over such a (comparatively) trivial matter. Like most folks I though his actions were assinine and ridiculous, but come on it’s not like he killed someone or something. That was a b#tch move on Leno’s part if you ask me.

    Posted by LOU | September 16, 2009, 6:46 am
  6. I think President Obama is getting it right – we are rude to each other.

    Posted by Renee | September 21, 2009, 1:41 pm
  7. This is hysterical. I’d be okay if he disappeared for many years, with or without his brain.

    Posted by LaBoss | October 14, 2009, 3:27 pm

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