By Bill Matthews
Obama mulls what type of beer cops drink
(WASHINGTON D.C.) Two Cambridge, Mass. police officers traveled to Washington D.C. and arrested Barack Obama inside his home, after an elderly neighbor called to say someone was breaking inside the White House.
Obama, who had just returned from a long diplomatic trip, became angry when the officers showed up. Obama’s key had gotten jammed in the lock, and he had been struggling to open the door.
“He asked us if he knew who he was,” Sgt. James McGill told The Peoples News. “I told him I did know. He was the man I was arresting.”
McGill, who like the other arresting officer, Sgt. Peter O’Shay, is white, immediately pointed out all the black friends he has, how much he loves black people and that he has never once used the N word. He also said that he was in charge of teaching racial insensitivity to his racist colleagues.
“Those are all the touchstones that let white people know race has nothing to do with this. So don’t even start saying it did, liberal media. Racism is dead and black people should stop complaining about it because once something is dead it never has any effect on anyone ever again,” McGill said. “Like how once Hitler was dead, the effects of the Holocaust immediately cleared up, you know?”
O’Shay nodded that he agreed that racism is dead. Both officers said they didn’t recognize Obama, who has only been in office for six months.
Obama was held for two hours before being released. He said he’d like to have a beer with the cops.
“Look, I’m glad we live in a postracial society where things like this can be viewed as just two cops responding to a call and doing their jobs and nothing else like my race or theirs has anything to do with what happened,” the President said in an exclusive interview. “Before I became president, even white people—well, some white people—would have considered this incident to have racial undertones. But white people have declared that racism is dead and race itself means nothing anymore to anyone.”
Obama’s good friend, Harvard University Professor Henry Louis Gates, said he felt Obama owed the cops an apology, or at least a dark pilsner.
“They drove all the way from Boston to arrest him. The least he could have done was stay in prison for a few days,” Gates said. “I’m so glad racism is dead, though. Because if it isn’t—and white people swear it is, thank God—then we black people should be really worried.”
O’Shay, who was drinking a beer when he heard Gates’ comments, nodded in agreement that blacks should be worried.
Note: This article is satire, brought to you by the creative minds at The Peoples News.