African American, Barack Obama, Black men, Crime, Humor, politics, Satire

Mass. Cops Arrest Obama at the White House

By Bill Matthews

APTOPIX ObamaObama mulls what type of beer cops drink

(WASHINGTON D.C.) Two Cambridge, Mass. police officers traveled to Washington D.C. and arrested Barack Obama inside his home, after an elderly neighbor called to say someone was breaking inside the White House.

Obama, who had just returned from a long diplomatic trip, became angry when the officers showed up. Obama’s key had gotten jammed in the lock, and he had been struggling to open the door.

“He asked us if he knew who he was,” Sgt. James McGill told The Peoples News. “I told him I did know. He was the man I was arresting.”

McGill, who like the other arresting officer, Sgt. Peter O’Shay, is white, immediately pointed out all the black friends he has, how much he loves black people and that he has never once used the N word. He also said that he was in charge of teaching racial insensitivity to his racist colleagues.

“Those are all the touchstones that let white people know race has nothing to do with this. So don’t even start saying it did, liberal media. Racism is dead and black people should stop complaining about it because once something is dead it never has any effect on anyone ever again,” McGill said. “Like how once Hitler was dead, the effects of the Holocaust immediately cleared up, you know?”

O’Shay nodded that he agreed that racism is dead. Both officers said they didn’t recognize Obama, who has only been in office for six months.

Obama was held for two hours before being released. He said he’d like to have a beer with the cops.

“Look, I’m glad we live in a postracial society where things like this can be viewed as just two cops responding to a call and doing their jobs and nothing else like my race or theirs has anything to do with what happened,” the President said in an exclusive interview. “Before I became president, even white people—well, some white people—would have considered this incident to have racial undertones. But white people have declared that racism is dead and race itself means nothing anymore to anyone.”

Obama’s good friend, Harvard University Professor Henry Louis Gates, said he felt Obama owed the cops an apology, or at least a dark pilsner.

“They drove all the way from Boston to arrest him. The least he could have done was stay in prison for a few days,” Gates said. “I’m so glad racism is dead, though. Because if it isn’t—and white people swear it is, thank God—then we black people should be really worried.”

O’Shay, who was drinking a beer when he heard Gates’ comments, nodded in agreement that blacks should be worried.

Note: This article is satire, brought to you by the creative minds at The Peoples News.

© 2009 The Peoples News


12 thoughts on “Mass. Cops Arrest Obama at the White House

  1. What a sad state of affairs. . .

    Posted by La'N'R'G'cia | July 28, 2009, 8:27 am
  2. Love your satire, but this bit hits too close to home. Racists aren’t dead therefore racism isn’t dead.

    Posted by Leroy | July 28, 2009, 8:50 am
  3. You guys are spot on with this one, man! I’ve decided to declare that menopause is dead. I’m male and have never experienced it, so it must not really exist, right??

    Posted by LOU | July 28, 2009, 8:56 am
  4. lololol…when I read the name, “Sgt. Peter O’Shay,” I was cracking up! And I’m at work…got me looking crazy in front of these people lol

    Posted by Shana | July 28, 2009, 11:08 am
  5. In the U.S., over 40% of homicides are committed against African Americans. Over 90% of those homicides are committed by African American murderers. Racism exists. I’m just not completely sure it exist in reality as it is perceived within the African American community. Is the African American community ready to deal with it’s own racism issues? This incident indicates it is not. All those African American cops who are standing by Crowley will no doubt be dumped on by Jack and Sharp.

    Posted by Renee | July 28, 2009, 11:43 am
  6. Renee, I don’t doubt the validity of your statistics, but it doesn’t make the reality of racial profiling and police prejudice any less real, nor does it justify it. I’m a law-abiding citizen who’s never even gotten a speeding ticket and this has happened to me multiple times. The fact of the matter is that police and the average citizen are all inclined to assume the worst of african-american males, even when they are near senior citizens. Mentioning black crime statisticsa and bringing “Sharpton and Jackson” into it is just a smoke screen. Enjoy those a.m talk radio programs!!

    Posted by LOU | July 28, 2009, 1:34 pm
    • To assume that I listen to a.m. talk radio because I have an opinion you don’t like is a bit prejudice don’t you think? I know the African American male has a tough time – so do “skaters”, and long haired men, and leather wearing bikers, and women who dress a certain way. EVERY human is profiled by somebody. We all have our problems and this is certainly one that the African American community needs to be pro-active in helping to solve. It will not be solved by screaming “racist” every time a black man is arrested, it won’t be solved by dancing in the street when someone like OJ gets off, it won’t be solved by meeting law enforcement with hostility. I am willing to bet that you have never been arrested because you respectfully showed your i.d. when asked. I am sure that is what has kept me from being arrested. Lou – my good man – I don’t listen to a.m. anything, I don’t listen to talk radio, I don’t watch Oprah, Dr, Phil, or Fox News. That is the problem with prejudice, it misses the mark every time!

      Posted by Renee | July 28, 2009, 5:07 pm
  7. As usual, your work is brilliant. I spent a two hour meeting last night discussing nothing but the Gates incident (and I do believe the officers were in the wrong). With this, I have a feeling we’ll be spending another two hours tomorrow night.

    Posted by Chris | July 28, 2009, 7:58 pm
  8. I’m a white woman. I’ve been stopped by the police for not having a seat belt on, although, as I pointed out, it was just buckled in a way to make it more comfortable. Got a ticket. My white husband has been stopped while coming from a construction job in a dirty old truck. He looked dirty and sweaty from working all day. The black officer approached the car with gun drawn. We never thought it was a racist issue. I guess if you grow up black in America you just always think that anything bad happens to you, it must be because you’re black. How does anyone refute that with reason? There is no way. Maybe you are just an asshole. Maybe you’re just a racist yourself…like Professor Gates.

    Posted by Claudia | July 28, 2009, 9:47 pm
    • I thought you were doing pretty well at adding to what was shaping up as an interesting thread of comments. And then at the end you call someone an asshole. If you want to persuade someone, it’s not going to help to throw a word like that at them.

      Posted by KenK | July 29, 2009, 1:37 pm
  9. The article was right on time! Claudia is foolish for comparing her white existence to what she thinks is the black experience.I wonder if she had the cheek to respond to the blogs related to the real story by calling the victim an asshole. If she did, her perceptions would require that she be slappped immediately on the back of her head accompanied by the following response, “What the hell were you thinking?”

    Posted by Ann | July 30, 2009, 1:41 am
  10. Let’s go back to the issue though (which is not Claudia). Let’s say there is still some racism left in America. I’ll give you that. Does that mean that you shouldn’t cooperate with the police? After all, most crime by black people is black-on-black. So if the police have a legitimate reason for questioning you (and breaking a door in would seem to qualify) doesn’t it make sense to show them your ID instead of cussing them out?

    Posted by KenK | August 4, 2009, 11:53 am

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