African American, Black men, family, Humor, Legal, Music, Satire

Debbie Rowe Prepares for Motherhood By Buying a Llamaa

By Bill Matthews

debbieroweRowe (inset) hasn’t said whether she will seek custody of her two children with Jackson

(LOS ANGELES) The mother of Michael Jackson’s two oldest children hoped to prove she can give them the life they’re accustomed to by buying a llama, two lion cubs and an anaconda.

“Prince Michael and Paris are used to having menageries, and I can give them that,” Debbie Rowe, who breeds horses on a farm outside of L.A., told The Peoples News this morning. “I have a speckled owl on back order. It should be in tomorrow evening.”

Rowe, who Jackson used to breed the two children in the late 1990s, has never actually seen them. She said that while they were living together, Jackson convinced her Prince and Paris were invisible and would only talk to him.

“He said it was sort of like Harvey the Rabbit of Gazoo on The Flintstones,” Rowe said. “Michael was so magical that it sounded normal.”

Thinking her children were akin to elves, Rowe relinquished parental rights after she and Jackson divorced in 2000. She later won back the rights, after remembering that elves sometimes give gold to wayfarers.

On Monday, Jackson’s mother, Katherine, won temporary custody of Prince Michael, 12, Paris, 11 and Prince Michael II, known as Blanket, 7.

Rowe hasn’t said whether she will seek custody. After Michael Jackson died on June 25, Rowe realized Paris and Prince were not elves, but regular human children who loved their father.

“Blanket is the elf,” she said.

Jackson did his best to protect all three of his children from the media glare that followed him his whole life, by making a game of wearing masks in public. Recently, though, when the children no longer wanted to wear the masks, he let them go out uncovered.

The late singer doted on his children, giving them as much as he could, but also teaching them proper manners and responsibility–even making them clean their rooms rather than having the hired help do it.

“Michael was eccentric, maybe even crazy, but he was a good dad,” Rowe said. “I think even with his passing, he made sure that his kids will turn out pretty good. I hope I, or whoever gains custody of them, can live up to the job Michael did. The kids do miss him so.”

Note: This satire is brought to you by the creative minds at The Peoples News. We’ve been hard on Mike, and had plans to be even harder. But he is gone and we thank him for the first 25 years of his life, which produced some great music and even better memories. We wish he could have somehow avoided the madness that he later caused, but also believe time will show he did a good job raising his kids. Rest in peace, MJ.

© 2009 The Peoples News
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3 thoughts on “Debbie Rowe Prepares for Motherhood By Buying a Llamaa

  1. We can only hope and pray that the innocent children that M.J. left behind do no fall into Joe’s hands……..or come anywhere near him and his circle of bloodsucking scum.

    Posted by Mike | July 2, 2009, 10:25 am
  2. It’s still hard to believe Michael is gone. I sincerely hope that he will be remembered foremost for his enormous talent instead of his eccentric behavior.

    Posted by Leroy | July 2, 2009, 11:01 am
  3. Very classy, gentlemen.

    Posted by KenK | July 2, 2009, 7:36 pm

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