African American, Humor, Satire

Jermaine, LaToya Dropped From Jackson Family

By Shawna Collier

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The siblings were escorted from the Jackson family compound after the announcement.

(LOS ANGELES) The fabled Jackson family said goodbye this morning to siblings Jermaine and LaToya Jackson—cuts prompted by the continuing economic crisis.

“In these tough financial times keeping a family of this size together just is no longer feasible, especially when no one seems to have a job,” CNBC financial guru Jim Cramer told The Peoples News.

The family announced in May that cuts would be coming following a disastrous first quarter that saw no tours, no album releases, no songs played on the radio, and no guest TV appearances, not even cable.

They thought cuts could be averted after younger brother, Michael, sold out 50 concert dates in London earlier this year. Last week, however, Michael admitted that he bought all the tickets himself.

“He didn’t actually want to perform because the best he could come up for that new dance move everyone is talking about is just a variation of Souljah Boy’s Superman move,” said Michael’s oldest child Prince. “He’s pretty embarrassed.”

While LaToya’s cut was expected, most observers thought either untalented brother Randy or patriarch Joseph would be the other one to get the axe. Jermaine, at least, had some musical chops, scoring several top 10 hits in the 1980s. He was considered the fourth-most talented Jackson, behind siblings Michael and Janet, and a distant cousin, Los Angeles Laker coach Phil Jackson.

Under an agreement, Latoya and Jermaine can no longer use the last name Jackson.

“It’s a tough day for all of us. But Jermaine’s value add to the family has really diminished since the days when he was singing Dynamite and Do What You Do,”  said Jackson family spokesman Adele Hitchcock. “Plus, whenever he’s on TV, he looks like he’s been smearing on chicken grease. That didn’t help his case to stay aboard.”

A distraught LaToya went into seclusion shortly after the announcement, but Jermaine said he understood the family’s decision. He said he has already settled on a new last name, and vowed to be back.

“You may have seen the last of Jermaine Jackson, but Jermaine Jenkins is going to take the world by storm,” he said. Jermaine appeared to weep as he spoke, but it might have been the grease from his hair dripping down his face.

Note: This article is satire, brought to you by the creative minds at The Peoples News.

© 2009 The Peoples News

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Discussion

23 thoughts on “Jermaine, LaToya Dropped From Jackson Family

  1. VERY nice job, said by someone who likes to think he writes satire too

    Posted by Davis | June 17, 2009, 9:32 am
  2. Y’all are killing me. I thought I was the only one to wonder what was going on with Jermaine’s head and face. Is that hair or some kind of space-age vinyl/plastic polymer? Oh well it’s none of our business. “Do what you do”, bro.

    Posted by LOU | June 17, 2009, 10:08 am
  3. Wow, this was done days before he died… This is why you should not talk about people…Lame
    This is racist! hopefully yall are the next to die and ur family will suffer, racest motherfuckers!
    RIP MJ

    Posted by stupidpeople | June 29, 2009, 4:01 pm
  4. it is called satire, to call it racism shows your ignorance. then you come back with the race card, name calling and obscene names. typical liberal behavior. somebody does something you don’t like and you go off on a temper tantrum. when bush was president there was all sorts of disrespectful trash talk, nothing was said then.

    I hope Michael finds peace but his behavior and that of his family tends to be very dysfunctional. now that he is dead all his family and so called friends care about is his money, possessions and the fame they neither deserved nor earned. and look at jesse (give me money or I call you a racist) jackson and al (all whites are racist) sharpton who care more about power and position then michael or the family.

    michael Jackson was very talented but was the very worse sort of role model anyway. but the worse the role model he was, the more African Americas love him as one of their own. he didn’t even want to be Black for God’s sake!!!! He whitened his skin and his features, married white women, had white children, considered his children play things and personal objects (can’t wait to see how they turn out) and molested white children as well.

    Posted by Edward Gein | July 3, 2009, 10:33 am
    • shut up, You obviously don’t know what you speak of, you have no proof michael molested anyone, he wasn’t convicted in any case, not criminal or civil, and if you were intelligent you’d realize that just as the people around him wanted his money, so did the families and children he tried to help. You actually believe the media, that makes you one sad individual. Sure the Jackson’s are dysfunctional but what showbusiness family isn’t, that is what money and fame does to a family.

      Please don’t talk about things when you haven’t researched and read the facts about the cases, the documentation is available if you just take the time to look at it, the smokinggun.com has plenty of it, as does the floacist’s blog.

      Posted by noneyabusiness | July 5, 2009, 12:36 am
      • Edward Gein, lets not forget it was a very white government that found Michael Jackson innocent. hahahahaha

        Posted by jacin | July 12, 2009, 11:16 pm
    • WOW Its funny how people can judge others no one was there when all this going down only mj and those kids and god everyone has some type of dysfunctional family i bet everybody one here have on. so lets not judge cause some one will judge us even god deues

      Posted by brandy | May 26, 2011, 8:05 pm
  5. For what ever reason this rang true and I had to remind myself I was reading satire. This is one could get folks riled up like the one about the naming rights being taken away did.

    Posted by Peanut | July 3, 2009, 6:35 pm
  6. You people want to talk about racism? He was against all types of racism. You didn’t know him so you shouldn’t blame him for what he did. He WAS a GREAT role model for ALL types of children. Sorry that a lot of people didn’t accept him for what he did with his skin, but regardless it was HIS skin. Comming from the type of family he came from it shouldn’t matter what color his skin was because he was a GREAT singer and dancer. People were jealous because he was one of the closest things to perfect we had. He was great in every way. And so what if he did change his skin color it shouldn’t matter to ya’ll because you didn’t know him. He was a GREAT man and was agianst all the bad in this world. So don’t take something like that for granted cause we only get a few of those people. He was an amazing man and role model and he will always remain an amazing man and role model. He lives on and will always live on. I personally loved his music and his personality. I think people were jealous and wanted his money. He went through very rough times and did NOT deserve to. He was against any and everything creul or harmful in this world and people make fun of that? The last time I heard that was a good thing. So don’t judge him from what he looked like if you judge him at all. Take the time and actually listen to his music. He was an amazing man with so much inspiration in him and the only way he could get it out was by music. I loved him and still do love him and hope he is in peace now. R.I.P. Michael Jackson! ❤

    Posted by MJ LOVER! | July 5, 2009, 2:24 am
  7. michael Jackson was very talented but was the very worse sort of role model anyway. but the worse the role model he was, the more African Americas love him as one of their own. he didn’t even want to be Black for God’s sake!!!! He whitened his skin and his features, married white women, had white children, considered his children play things and personal objects (can’t wait to see how they turn out)

    Amen

    Posted by Peanut | July 5, 2009, 7:30 pm
  8. i grew up listening to mj his songs moved me emotionally every song Michael ever wrote always sent shivers up and down my body.he was and is the greatest singer that this world will ever have or had.think before you judge a person for wanting to change they way they look.its really none of our business.if changing his appearance is what made him happy then let him change.he still sang great no matter what he looked like.Michael was emotionally and physically abused by all who were around him.take the supposedly molestation cases ever think that if they really happened that money could buy the silence.if my child had been molested no amount of money would make it go away. so go throw stones at your own house first.

    Posted by michael lover | July 6, 2009, 2:26 am
  9. I was impressed with Michael Jackson memorial yesterday! He seemed like a loving man who really cared about others. He will be missed by millions of fans but his legacy will live forever.

    Posted by knoxville singles | July 8, 2009, 11:24 am
  10. Michael Jackson sought to transend racial boundaries even to “change the color” of his own skin, controversy and oddity are what make for “money” in a famous persons life , and these monies are not for their benefit, but for the media and the parvarratsi, so if yo Daddy is taken pictures of celeberties thank God for Michael Jackson and celeberties like him…And old school says Jermains hair is conched, or prossessed, although I got a good laugh , and I’m sure he did too…for this too is ” money hahahaha

    Posted by Aaron T. | July 9, 2009, 9:45 am
  11. he didn’t change his skin color. read this idiots. leave him alone!!! http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/07/06/skin.color.vitiligo/index.html

    Posted by Jen | July 9, 2009, 10:10 am
  12. OMG This was hilarious!

    Posted by Brooklyn | July 9, 2009, 11:52 pm
  13. Please leave the Jackson family alone, thanks.

    Posted by Norah | July 14, 2009, 12:58 am
  14. Gettin back to the article….
    I think they made the right choice in letting Jermaine go, he is annoying! I thought Janet left the family years ago, did she come back?

    Posted by Renee | July 22, 2009, 10:29 am
  15. I dont get it are they sayin the family made latoya and jermainr changr their last names and how are they related to phil jackson this is all bullshit

    Posted by reggie | February 5, 2010, 5:20 pm
  16. Michael Jackson was a great man and will always be missed by all that knew and loved him.Let’s just let him rest.The way we never did in life.All he wanted was peace and to be loved.He gave us all musical gift let’s give him this one gift.

    Posted by Ms Saucy | April 4, 2010, 11:02 pm
  17. Aawww,Look at Jermaine and La’Toya. They are Holding Hands. This is new to me. Leave The Jackson Family alone!

    Posted by You are not alone anymore | October 11, 2010, 11:44 pm
  18. sorry this is funny as hel peple get a sense of humor

    Posted by von | December 5, 2010, 11:50 pm
  19. we all should be able to keep are names.we wear bone with it.and to lie about a name is wronge. and family do help each arother because they love each arother.do you love your family.

    Posted by karen | April 3, 2011, 12:56 am
  20. I dont under stand why that doctor isnt in jail. please. tell me why he is not.If I gave you some of my pills. and you died I would have to go to jail for your death.its ok that he kills and get away with it. this man was payed big time.he owed money for back child support .how long was he working for micheal.how many months was the doctor.giveing micheal drugs.and to give him that much of drugs because he couldnt sleep.have you ever dances.micheal did that night .and it does make you tierd.that doctor gave micheal to many things.and than not watch him when he knows he should.than not call for help.how long.than not put him on floor.dont know CPR.what kind of doctor dont know CPR.this wack was out for money.and he is still free to kill again. wear is this guy getting all this money to pay his bills when he is not working.yea I know he has kids.so did micheal and he loved his kids too.micheal did not want to die.

    Posted by karen | April 3, 2011, 1:26 am

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