African American, Humor, politics, Satire

McCain Launches Last Ditch Effort to Woo Black Voters

NEWS IN BRIEF

 Presidential candidate John McCain hopes blacks will give him the thumbs-up on Tuesday

(TAMPA, FL) Still lagging in the polls just a day before the historic U.S. presidential election, Republican candidate John McCain has launched a final attempt to persuade black voters to check his name in the polling booth tomorrow.

“I’m pledging to give blacks who vote for me the one thing no other president has ever given them,” said McCain, during a campaign stop in Tampa. “Well, I think one president tried, but it never happened.”

McCain announced early Monday that any black who votes for him will finally get 40 acres. McCain recently sold two of his seven homes in order to secure hundreds of thousands of acres on Bouvet Island, an uninhabited island in the South Atlantic Ocean, south-southwest of South Africa’s Cape of Good Hope.

“Financial experts say home ownership is the key to wealth. Well, I’m giving blacks the land to build these homes on,” said McCain, flashing his trademark smirk. “This will have much more of an impact on the lives of black folks than a black president ever could.”

The mavericky McCain originally wanted to provide the 40 acres and a mule originally promised to freed black slaves after the Civil War. However, given the increasing price of mules in the country’s current economic climate, he decided to skip the livestock portion of the deal. McCain advisors, unable to convince the delusional candidate that he no longer stands a chance in the election, refrained from informing him that Bouvet was a sub-antarctic volcanic island and would hold no real estate appeal to black voters…or anyone.

Note: This article is satire, brought to you by the creative minds at The Peoples News. It’s not real, but we hope it made you think.

© 2008 The Peoples News

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Discussion

10 thoughts on “McCain Launches Last Ditch Effort to Woo Black Voters

  1. I don’t know…maybe it is just a case of the Mondays before “Election Tuesday” but this does seem to cross even a satirical line… yuck

    Posted by Renee | November 3, 2008, 5:21 pm
  2. This is bad. Really bad. Had you switched this and claimed Obama wanted to give 40 acres, I am sure the response would be different, however using the “white guy” disguised racism is sick. You diminish your credibility when giving any political argument by throwing in the racism card. This is just pathetic.

    The Peoples News responds: TPN is a satire site. For “credibility,” perhaps you should visit NBC, CBS, ABC or even FOX for news coverage. We’re just here to entertain and make readers think…which I think we did.

    Posted by Kelli | November 4, 2008, 9:56 am
  3. I totally agree that it is thoughtprovoking. Of course I also know you are satire- your articles are almost always wonderful. However, given the current political climate you should take into consideration that the political landscape makes all issues a possible fire starter. This piece of satire is thinly disguised racism directed at white people.

    Posted by Kelli | November 4, 2008, 8:27 pm
  4. Whoa, aren’t we touchy. I don’t see this piece as being directed at all white people, only McCain, who happens to be white. However, if the shoe fits…

    Posted by Leroy | November 5, 2008, 12:25 pm
  5. Let me guess, Leroy. You’re black? I’m sure I’m right. While I think TPN is mostly hilarious, I’ve found myself becoming tired of the media shining a light from above onto Obama, and portraying McCain as an old white rich Republican. Obama is just a younger black rich Democrat. I guess even TPN can’t help but jumping on the “bias, pro-Obama media” bandwagon.
    The article was funny, yes. But would it had still been funny if instead of McCain offering forty acres to each black, Obama offered to pick a bale of cotten for each white that voted for him?

    Posted by Katie | November 6, 2008, 11:18 am
  6. OMG Katie, that would have been ever funnier!

    Posted by saudade | November 7, 2008, 3:00 am
  7. I’m sure some people would have liked the “Obama picks cotton” idea… except he wasn’t as desperate for the White vote as McCain was for the Black vote.

    Seriously, people, get a grip! One of the few times TPN does an article where a non-Black person is the focus of the funny, everybody has to cry racism. Anyone could easily say that the “racist” part is insinuating Blacks are STILL waiting for the 40 acres. If you need any other proof of equal opportunity “racism,” please see the entries about naming kids and touching a Black woman’s hair.

    The responses are proof positive that we as a nation have a LONG way to go.

    Posted by H.M.Holstein | November 9, 2008, 2:19 pm
  8. Your bit was very funny and right on! McCain ran a campaign as Inspector Clouseau might have done. God! If I ever run for anything I hope my opponent’s initials are BO and his middle name is the same as a murderous lunatic we just had a war with. Do you suppose if, in 1948, Thomas E. Dewey’s middle name had been Tojo or Hitler Harry Truman wouldn’t have managed to mention it? Truman used to stroke his upper lip at least once each speech because Dewey had a mustache, just like the bad guy in the Saturday morning serials. N’yah, n’yah-n’yah!

    What is WRONG with these people? Why are they reading your blog if they’re going to get the vapors? Used to be you had to lynch somebody to keep your racist credentials in good standing. Now all you have to do is say “socialist.”

    Posted by nolanimrod | November 9, 2008, 3:49 pm
  9. What if Obama had offered to give 40 acres and a mule? How about instead of a mule, you get a prius? IF a white person insinuates that black people are waiting around for a hand out now that Obama is elected, then that is racist. Now the shoe is on the other foot, and white people are getting sick and tired of being called a racist because they dont buy into the idea of giving hand outs to people.
    I have enjoyed every article done in satire on this site. This is the only one I have felt the urge to comment on. I guess the writers did a great job.

    Posted by Kelli | November 10, 2008, 5:21 pm
  10. That stuff was funny.

    Posted by TeacherC | November 11, 2008, 3:04 pm

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