NEWS IN BRIEF
Presidential candidate John McCain hopes blacks will give him the thumbs-up on Tuesday
(TAMPA, FL) Still lagging in the polls just a day before the historic U.S. presidential election, Republican candidate John McCain has launched a final attempt to persuade black voters to check his name in the polling booth tomorrow.
“I’m pledging to give blacks who vote for me the one thing no other president has ever given them,” said McCain, during a campaign stop in Tampa. “Well, I think one president tried, but it never happened.”
McCain announced early Monday that any black who votes for him will finally get 40 acres. McCain recently sold two of his seven homes in order to secure hundreds of thousands of acres on Bouvet Island, an uninhabited island in the South Atlantic Ocean, south-southwest of South Africa’s Cape of Good Hope.
“Financial experts say home ownership is the key to wealth. Well, I’m giving blacks the land to build these homes on,” said McCain, flashing his trademark smirk. “This will have much more of an impact on the lives of black folks than a black president ever could.”
The mavericky McCain originally wanted to provide the 40 acres and a mule originally promised to freed black slaves after the Civil War. However, given the increasing price of mules in the country’s current economic climate, he decided to skip the livestock portion of the deal. McCain advisors, unable to convince the delusional candidate that he no longer stands a chance in the election, refrained from informing him that Bouvet was a sub-antarctic volcanic island and would hold no real estate appeal to black voters…or anyone.
© 2008 The Peoples News