African American, Humor, Movies, Samuel L. Jackson, Satire

Samuel L. Jackson To Star In Every Movie Next Year

By Xavier Muhammad

Jackson, as he appears in his portrayal of Tiger Woods

(HOLLYWOOD) Samuel L. Jackson is the hardest working man in the movie business, and he will prove it next year when he stars in every movie released.

Jackson told The Peoples News in an exclusive interview following a junket for his upcoming movies, Soul Men and The Spirit, that he’s long dreamed of appearing in everything.

“I can’t ever stop working,” Jackson said. “I’m the James Brown of movie making—and you’ll recognize that when I star as him in John Singleton’s biopic of him.”

Known for his over-the-top characterizations and lack of subtlety, Jackson will appear in movies big and small. He will play ‘James’ in Guillermo Del Toro’s live action James and the Giant Peach and will also play the villainous Lord Jules in next summer’s controversial Harry Potter and the Bad Motherfucker—the first in the blockbuster franchise to be rated R.

He will star in movies by directors like Clint Eastwood, Kevin Smith, Rob Reiner and Ron Howard, and will play a Holocaust survivor in an unnamed Steven Spielberg project.

“Throughout Sam’s career, it’s only appeared like he’s in everything Hollywood puts out, but now it’s going to be true. He really doesn’t know how to say no,” said Ain’t It Cool film critic Harry Knowles. “I mean, really, at this point in his career does he need the money?”

Jackson said it wasn’t about the money. He wants to change how Hollywood views him.

“Right now, directors see me as someone who can play a black man who screams a lot and is unsteady and will go the f— off with little provocation,” Jackson said. “They don’t see me as someone who can play a weeping deer, or a Japanese woman. I aim to change that perception.”

He’s already overcome his biggest obstacle: Woody Allen.

“I really had to do some convincing for him to let me play Cher in his biopic of her,” Jackson said. “But I honestly think after you see my performance, that you’ll know I was the right choice.”

Jackson said his goal for 2010 is to remake all of Morgan Freeman’s movies.

Note: This article is satire, brought to you by the creative minds at The Peoples News. It’s not real—maybe—but we hope it made you think.

© 2008 The Peoples News
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Discussion

3 thoughts on “Samuel L. Jackson To Star In Every Movie Next Year

  1. Ah, “Lord Jules”. What I wouldn’t give to see that.

    “What does Voldemort look like? Does he look like a b*tch? Then why you try to f*ck him like a b*tch, Harry?”

    Posted by Ophelia | October 29, 2008, 10:05 am
  2. Very funny. Laughing out loud at work, here.

    Posted by CandyKay | November 3, 2008, 5:46 am
  3. I looooove this site, Im going to read until I fall asleep at my desk! 🙂

    Posted by Kyndal | November 7, 2008, 12:28 am

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