By Shawna Collier
New ad campaign from Republican presidential candidate John McCain promotes tax credit for Black women.
(ARLINGTON, VA) In recognition that his selection of Sarah Palin as his running mate is not enough to win the votes of all women, Republican presidential candidate John McCain has added a special component to his platform to appeal to Black women.
“For years, Black women have had the burden of trying to conform to America’s standard of beauty,” McCain told The Peoples News during a campaign stop in Arlington, Va. Sunday afternoon. “On any given Saturday, you’ll find these women spending an inordinate amount of time and money at the beauty salon.”
McCain confessed that he doesn’t exactly know what goes on in these salons. However, after one of his campaign workers accessed the receipts for the salon services of Barack Obama’s wife, Michelle, he realized hair was an important issue among black women.
In light of the country’s current financial crisis, the mavericky president wannabe has proposed a No Naps Tax Credit. Whether it’s to increase manageability or just look more like the highly worshiped white Hollywood starlets, black women who devote dollars and hours to getting relaxers, weaves and other hair treatments would receive a $10,000 credit annually to offset these expenses. An ad promoting the proposed tax credit is scheduled to begin airing during the broadcast of Wednesday night’s presidential debate.
“Hallelujah!” exclaimed Jeannette Fig, an African-American finance reporter at Black Enterprise, upon hearing the news of McCain’s proposal. “(Black Enterprise Publisher) Earl Graves won’t tolerate a nappy kitchen in his office. I spend so much money getting my hair did I don’t have anything left to put into my 401K.”
Ashleigh Wilson, an editor at Sport Illustrated with a head full of Cree Summer-like curls, was less impressed with McCain’s proposed financial gift. “I’m fortunate to work at a publication where they actually accept the way Black people look,” she said. ”When I heard Black Enterprise forced a college student to cut his dreads in order to get an internship, I knew I could never work there.”
Wilson did note that her sister, who has been pounding the pavement since becoming a casualty of the Lehman Brothers collapse, might just become a McCain supporter because of this.
“She’s gotta keep that hair straight ‘cuz when you’re interviewing you never know what type of environment you’re walking into. Without money coming in, it’s going to be hard to keep up those relaxer appointments.”
McCain said he was in awe of Black women’s financial commitment to their hair.
“I have seven houses, but can’t begin to afford the options available to make my hair look better,” he confided. “This comb-over is the best I can do, my friends.”
Note: This article is satire, brought to you by the creative minds at The Peoples News. Only the part about Black Enterprise’s hair policy is true. The rest is not real, but we hope it made you think.
© 2008 The Peoples News