Humor, politics, Satire

John McCain Hopes To Pick Up Some Chicks

By Shawna Collier

McCain and his babe magnet, Sarah Palin

(DAYTON) Presumptive Republican presidential nominee John McCain may have picked the most obscure politician he could find as his running mate, but the choice is actually a shrewd one.

By asking Alaska Governor Sarah Palin, 44, to be his sidekick, McCain is sure to snag Democrats who were disappointed that Hillary Clinton wasn’t their nominee and think women are interchangeable.

“Palin is a mother of five who is anti-abortion, anti-gun control, supports sending more troops to Iraq and thinks President Bush‘s policies have been good for America,” said Republican strategist Karl Rove. “And best of all, she has ovaries, just like Hillary Clinton, so women voters are sure to love her.”

McCain, 72, offered a similar sentiment when he introduced Palin as his choice for vice president choice on August 29 in front of an adoring throng in Dayton.

“The Democrats offered you Coca-Cola. We’re offering you a brand of cola that you’ve never heard of and doesn’t taste anything like cola and is in fact, not cola,” McCain said. “As our president, George W. Bush, would say, it’s great strategery.”

Palin emphasized her conservative, highly moraled, pro-life stance today by announcing that her unmarried 17-year-old daughter, Bristol, is pregnant.

“We are a little ghetto in Alaska,” Palin said, flashing her chipper, can-do smile.

Clinton supporter Debra Bartoshevich, a lifelong Democrat who’s starred in several ads touting her support of McCain over Barack Obama, said she’s fallen for Not-Hillary.

“Sarah Palin has an H and an R and an A in her first name, just like Hillary,” Bartoshevich said. “It’s almost unreal how much they have in common. I’m for McCain and his woman all the way.”

McCain and Palin will be nominated at the Republican convention this week in St. Paul, Minn. The candidates are undecided, however, whether they will attend the convention, due to Hurricane Gustav threatening the Gulf region.

“Obviously, the timing of this hurricane does mean that God and nature are against us,” McCain said. “But, with any luck, the Evangelicals won’t notice.”

Note: This article is satire, brought to you by the creative minds at The Peoples News. It’s not real, but we hope it made you think.

© 2008 The Peoples News



5 thoughts on “John McCain Hopes To Pick Up Some Chicks

  1. Sounds close to the actual truth though… eerily close.

    Posted by jeremy | September 1, 2008, 5:45 pm
  2. yeah, I was like-shouldn’t this be satire? sadly truth is able to be passed off as satire this week!

    Posted by shix | September 2, 2008, 4:34 pm
  3. Hello – paLIN – cLINton – do not down play the woman’s strengths – This is going to be a rough election.

    Posted by Renee | September 2, 2008, 6:18 pm
  4. Not-Hillary! I love it!

    Posted by Aimee | September 2, 2008, 7:24 pm
  5. Focus is the order of the day….I’m still voting Obama come hell or high water…

    Posted by Get Togetha | September 7, 2008, 8:54 pm

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