Humor, politics, Satire, Uncategorized

Jesse Jackson Wishes He Had Obama’s Balls

By Bill Matthews

Jackson is unsatisfied with his johnson

(CHICAGO) Civil rights leader Jesse Jackson admitted Sunday he would like to have Barack Obama’s testicles.

“I want to cut his nuts off,” Jackson, 66, told a friend. Then looking down toward his own genitalia, he said if he could surgically graft the new, younger testicles onto himself, it “would keep hope alive.”

Jackson told The Peoples News that he’s jealous of Obama. In 1984 and 1988, Jackson ran for president but couldn’t get past the primary stage.

Now that Obama, the presumptive Democratic presidential nominee, is close to fulfilling what Jackson started, the civil rights leader can’t accept that another African American has gone further in a bid for the White House. He used a seafood metaphor to explain his feelings.

“If we were crabs boiling in a pot together and he tried to escape the pot I would pull him back down,” Jackson said. “Then I would cut his nuts off.”

Obama spokesman Bill Burton said Jackson was a hater.

“We don’t need no hateration or holleration up in here!” Burton said. “Damn!”

The civil rights leader’s son, Jesse Jackson, Jr., said he wasn’t surprised by his father’s comments.

“He’s always wished he had the cojones to be a viable presidential candidate,” said Jackson, Jr.

The elder Jackson later said his comments were misinterpreted.

“I support Senator Obama. I hope he becomes president,” Jackson said. “I just want to cut his nuts off and have him not be more popular than me. Is that so wrong?”

Note: This article is satire, brought to you by the creative minds at The Peoples News. It’s not real, but we hope it made you think.

© 2008 The Peoples News

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9 thoughts on “Jesse Jackson Wishes He Had Obama’s Balls

  1. What Was Jesse thinking? Well, who was he talking to?

    Posted by Mike Licht | July 11, 2008, 12:13 am
  2. He was on FOX news on the O’Reilly Factor. He forgot to do a mic check before running his mouth. Check out the clip here

    Haters everywhere we go!!

    Posted by La N'R'G' cia | July 12, 2008, 11:37 am
  3. I think it sad when someone believes that talking to people (of any colour) about personal responsibility is ‘talking down’ to them. I think Mr. Jackson needs to take a look around at our society and start speaking to what is really going on, while the ramifications of slavery/colonisation are prevalent everyday, they should not be used as scapegoats for irresponsibility.

    Posted by SASENGU | July 12, 2008, 12:25 pm
  4. hahahaha! Love this freaking article!

    Posted by chaoticdiva | July 12, 2008, 9:14 pm
  5. Is it possible he said, “Cut his nose off” ???

    tee hee

    Posted by browneyebabee | July 16, 2008, 2:20 am
  6. When Jesse was running, he said that if he walked on water, the headlines the next day would say “Jesse can’t swim”. I can’t help but think they had that in mind when they wrote this. He says he’ll cut his nuts off, and the headline is that he wishes he had his balls.

    Posted by Ken K | July 16, 2008, 12:38 pm
  7. “We don’t need no hateration or holleration up in here!” Burton said. “Damn!”

    LMAO, this made me tear up at work.

    Posted by Blu | July 28, 2008, 12:44 pm
  8. I do not support what he said but I do support his right to say it. We are trying to bully people into supporting Obama…and it is wrong. It is wrong when they bullied people into Bush and it is wrong for us to do it with Obama. If you don’t say you love him, you are subjected to public ridicule and told that you are not supporting your ethnicity. We need to respect others opinion to disagree which is what we want them to do for us. We are creating a tone that may get him into office but might prevent us from getting anyone else into office.

    Posted by A | July 30, 2008, 3:19 pm
  9. Thanks for the post

    Posted by GoabbamymN | August 3, 2008, 6:42 am

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