Humor, Satire

Ailing NAACP Should Retire, Advocates Say

By Bill Matthews

Advocates claim appointment of Ben Jealous as new NAACP president was a misunderstanding.

(BALTIMORE) Now approaching 100, NAACP is showing signs of Alzheimer’s disease and should retire, say longtime friends.

NAACP, which reaches the century mark in 2009, lost its teeth years ago and hasn’t had clear vision since the Kennedy administration. The organization can no longer handle its own affairs, as it is always bordering on financial ruin. It also can’t remember where half its members are, and they are now considered permanently lost.

“It has trouble staying on point too,” the Rev. Jesse Jackson told The Peoples News. “When you talk to NAACP now, it will say one thing one moment and then something completely different and maybe even the opposite the next.”

It wasn’t always this way. The venerable organization was once vital and strong, and almost single-handedly took on lynch laws and segregation.

But from the moment Martin Luther King Jr., who was never strongly affiliated with the organization, led the Montgomery Bus Boycott and then formed the rival Southern Christian Leadership Conference, NAACP has felt irrelevant and left behind.

It has mostly kept to itself since then, having constant internal struggles that were likely the first signs of Alzheimer’s. Driving became increasingly difficult, as NAACP would idle in the car for hours unsure whether to take a new direction or continue along its usual path. It sometimes tried to do both, with disastrous results.

Now the increasingly cranky and befuddled NAACP keeps making foolish mistakes. On May 18, it accidentally selected Ben Jealous, 35, as its new leader.

In fact, NAACP misunderstood the question.

“Thought they was asking me how I felt about Barack Obama taking away the black spotlight from me,” NAACP said in a rare interview. “I said ‘I been jealous a long time about that.’ That there is the truth.”

Then NAACP sighed and the look of confusion spread over its face again.

“I ain’t never heard of no man named Ben Jealous,” it said. “Have you?”

Note: This article is satire, brought to you by the creative minds at The Peoples News. It’s not real, but we hope it made you think.

© 2008 The Peoples News

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3 thoughts on “Ailing NAACP Should Retire, Advocates Say

  1. LOVE the driving bit!

    Posted by Nolanimrod | December 29, 2008, 11:20 am
  2. Not knowing a whole lot about many things, the first couple of paragraphs rang kinda true so I missed the humor in latter paragraphs

    Posted by Peanut | December 29, 2008, 9:02 pm
  3. Ben Jealous line is funny. But he rest is entirely too true: the organization has lost its teeth. Probably due to its name– maybe should be re-named NAAAP.

    Posted by Pat Fields | January 2, 2009, 10:10 am

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