By Bill Matthews
Clinton needs public assistance for her campaign–and her dinner table.
(NEW YORK) With her struggling presidential campaign millions of dollars in debt, Hillary Clinton revealed this morning that she has filed for public assistance.
“This just shows how committed I am to the working class who can’t afford health care or food without going into serious debt,” Clinton told The Peoples News this morning while downing a slice of government cheese. “I’ve become one of them.”
Most of Clinton’s debt is on her black America Express card, which has no limit. Its balance is now $5,207,830.22, according to records released by the Hillary 2008 Campaign. Some of the high priced items included ‘five cases of the L’Oreal face scrub,’ ‘the season 4 DVD of The Wire’ and ‘J. Wright’s speaking fee for the NAACP dinner.’
AMEX CEO Ken Chenault said his company was considering revoking Clinton’s card.
“She isn’t making an effort to pay it, she doesn’t return our calls, we’ve had to turn it over to creditors,” Chenault said. “I thought Bill was supposed to be the black one.”
The revelation about her debt came one day after Clinton was trounced in the North Carolina primary by Barack Obama, and only managed to eke out a narrow victory over the Illinois senator in Indiana, a state she expected to win handily.
Experts believe Clinton made the debt public so no one would think it odd this afternoon when she went to shop with Food Stamps at the Sav-A-Lot down the street from her Chappaqua home.
But the move might also be a ploy so sympathetic donors—namely, her husband, Bill—will once again dig deep into their pockets to finance her presidential run.
“This woman, she just won’t give up,” Bill Clinton said, before almost imperceptibly sighing and rolling his eyes.
His wife echoed the statement.
“I’ll be president no matter what it costs,” she says. “As long as someone else is footing the bill, I’ll run forever if I have to.”
Note: This article is satire, brought to you by the creative minds at The Peoples News. It’s not real, but we hope it made you think.