By Bill Matthews
Blacks fainted when Barack pointed to them last night.
(JACKSONVILLE) Now that Blacks have found happiness with Barack Obama, they deny that they ever loved the Clintons.
“I thought it was love, but I was so young then,” say Blacks. “When I compare my feelings then to how I feel now about Barack, I can see I was never really in love with the Clintons.”
It’s a jarring turnaround. The love affair between Blacks and the Clintons dates to 1992, shortly after they met. The Clintons wooed Blacks with kind words and an empathic gaze that let Blacks know the Clintons felt their pain. Blacks returned the love, saying they could really be themselves around the Clintons. But in the last few years, things have changed. Blacks felt like the Clintons were ignoring them, even taking their love for granted.
“They never wanted to do the things we wanted to do anymore,” say Blacks. “We didn’t talk. We didn’t go out. I’d been wanting to end it for a while but hoped to get past the holidays.”
The Clintons, however, were blindsided when Blacks put an end to the romance.
“This really came out of nowhere. We thought everything was fine,” say The Clintons, who are heartbroken. “Why don’t Blacks love us anymore?”
Two words: Barack Obama. When Barack entered their lives, Blacks didn’t fall for him right away. But soon, they forgot all about the Clintons.
“He had those ears that poke out a little bit much, and I didn’t know if he was Black enough for me at first,” say Blacks. “But he speaks so well, and he’s so cute. How can I not love him?”
Blacks are so smitten that they’ve filled up several notebooks scribbling “Barack+Blacks=LOVE4EVER.” Friends occasionally tease them with the familiar schoolyard rhyme Barack and Blacks sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g. Blacks just blush, imagining what it would be like to be married to Barack.
The Clintons, however, haven’t given up on the romance. They call and text message Blacks all the time, hoping to rekindle the fire.
“No one is ever going to love Blacks the way we do,” say the Clintons. “We want us to go back to the way things were, when we were happy.”
Blacks, who initially felt sorry that the Clintons were so hurt, have since stopped taking their calls.
“Looking back, I think I was so in love with the Clintons because I was coming out of an abusive relationship,” say Blacks. “My crush before them ignored me at best and abused me at worst.”
Blacks were referring to Reagan, a Teflon-coated lothario with a silver tongue and senile mind.
For now, Blacks are happy, hoping things with Barack will work out.
Note: This article is satire, brought to you by the creative minds at The Peoples News. It’s not real, but we hope it made you think.
© 2008 The Peoples News
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